Mom Gig: New Mom In An Opinionated World

Everyday I am bombarded with countless articles, statuses' and links that circle around the issue of parenting. It's ok... don't leave! i assure this isn't another one of those very things. 

I often wonder what it would be like to be a new parent in the 80's. When formula was all the rage, and car seats were picking up steam. I would have loved it. I Googled "when did car seats become mandatory", and most people born before 1980 only remember sitting on their parent's lap, or coming home in the form of a shoe box.

Breast fed or bottle fed. Crib or co sleeper. The introduction of food. Being a mom returning to the work field. These are just a few of the controversial topics that circulate around my social media on a daily. If it weren't for my family and close friends in other parts of the world, I would do away with Facebook, because I can't cope. Twitter. Instagram. They're really where it's at.

As a person who is probably considered to be mean and old school... I am often highly irritated when it comes to the opinion of others on these very topics. My baby drinks formula, sleeps in his own crib, gets his milestone vaccinations, went to the chiropractor, has been introduced to foods, sometimes I make him cry himself to sleep and occasionally (daily) he is exposed to the t.v. He thinks Judge Judy is his Grannie - I kid.

It's not that I believe that I am right, and you are wrong... it's that although some things may be better, it doesn't mean their alternative is wrong. And well, when you treat me like it is, I get moody. 

Here's the thing. If you have been a parent for 5 seconds you know how hard and glorious it is all in the same breath. Once the initial adrenaline rush of being a new mom wears off, reality sets in, then the weight of your new role sinks in - and sometimes that reality isn't pretty.

So the question is - if you know it's hard, and I know it's hard, why are we so hard on each other? And I am only 6 months in. I can't WAIT to see what it's like when he has a toddler meltdown at church, or encounters school politics.

I would have loved to have breastfed my baby for more then a week (real talk) ... but well, there are these things called complications, and sometimes all doesn't go as planned. If I had a month of support post delivery, and a live in doula, I am sure that I would have conquered my breast feeding woes, but that just didn't happen. After three days of public health insisting I feed Bennett by way of syringe and tube, you could say I was on the verge of a postpartum meltdown. So, if you could cease from giving me a condescending eye when I whip out my kid's bottle full of formula, that would be great. 

We all have a story. We have expectations, and dreams, and sometimes they come crashing down, because reality has this way of setting in.

I am not better than you. You are not better than me. Sometimes it's important to step away from the place of your stubborn stance and look at a situation from another angle. I assure you I am preaching to myself, as well.

What works for you and your family?
Are you and your baby happy?
Do the people that question you really affect your life?
I run through this list of questions over and over again.

I know for me there are some things that I am passionate about, and they may not be the same for you, but that's what makes us all who we are. There are things that I question on a daily, and other things that I know without a doubt. But really, if another person's choices aren't hurting you, does it really do any good to let them know your opinion? Especially if they don't ask? There are a lot of modern practices that I am not keen on. I rarely shed my opinion on them, because I doubt my opinion matters.  

I don't have to live your life, and you don't have to live mine.  Amen to that, amirite?


If you haven't had a baby yet, but are considering it, please know that you will have dreams and ideas about what being a parent is like - and from the moment you tell people you are pregnant, they will crush them. It's what people do, and it's really annoying. Most people mean well, but just remember that dreaming is a part of the process, and when YOUR reality hits, some of those things will be just like you had imagined, and others will not. And it's ok to make decisions based on that alone.  

Your reality. Your life. 

I am not probing for a debate, or a declaration of "I am right and you are wrong". That would defeat the point of my post. I am sick of the right and wrong thing.  

I am just asking that as parents we go easy on each other, because we are all in this together. 

Help, and not judge.
Ask, and not assume.
Walk side by side, and not compete.

Take the tidbits of wisdom that help, and brush off the things that don't.
Find someone that you trust, who will stand beside you and assure you that you are not failing.
Live YOUR life, and do what works for you.

 I was terrified that I would lose any form of bond with Bennett when I switched him to a bottle. Turns out he loves me just the same, and he looks at me a million times a day like I am the coolest person in the world. These are the moments that matter to me.

| november joy dare | day twenty eight

three gifts in community: 

1. our community: i love our area of Saskatoon. it takes 2 minutes to get from my house to work, there are lots of parks, and we are close to Wal Mart (hell on earth, but neccessary).

2. community of students: i love our youth group and the relationships that are building between all of the kids. this is the first year that i am really noticing a sense of community and relationship building. it's awesome.

3. church family: i know i go on and on about our church, but it is truly a blessing to be a part of a community of believers who love one another. i love our church's desire to see people grow in their relationship with God and others. it is my goal as i go forward to build more meaningful and deeper relationships with those around me. church is a blessing!

| life: 28 years later |

28 years later. 

I have looked at myself through the eyes of a 21 year old for... well, 7 years. I think over the last year I have actually started seeing myself for the age that I am, and not the age that I remember being.

This year... has been a big one. Lots of highs and lows, always learning, always failing - but always growing. And with that, comes lots of personal reflection.

I have learned 

that motherhood is hard, and it's easy to judge other parents when you aren't one - or don't live THEIR life.

i don't like shopping as much as i like to impress people. approval addiction. (work in progress)

friends are important. relationships are hard work.

it's o.k to like what i like. even if others don't.

i enjoy having a blog, because i don't feel obligated to use capital letters.

people don't care about me as much i think they do (in a good, "you're not the centre of the universe" kind of way)

how you act, and the choices you make have consequences, and they impact people. for good or bad.

naps are gold. don't take your free time for granted when you have it! ;)

worry. it doesn't add to my life, and it doesn't solve my problems. sooner or later, it all works out... even if it's not the way i had planned. (lesson in progress)

it's important to lighten up. expectations put on myself, other people, situations, etc. are always a doorway to disappointment. sometimes you just gotta let. it. be.

to stop wishing people knew me "back when" and "before this happened" and just let them know me for who I am now, the person that i have become because of those moments.

where I am now is not where I will always be. there is hope. there is growth. life is a journey.

people are crazy. and someone probably finds me crazy, too.

life is too short to not eat the things you want. seriously, eat the freaking cheesecake/candy/chips/chocolate, etc... LETS GO! { in moderation, of course } who am i kidding... i have always been an advocate of this, and not in moderation either. candy is always a good idea. cake is always a good breakfast, and so is pie. 

people in Saskatchewan don't know how to drive. sorry to generalize. but seriously. come on.

the importance of being happy for other people. i struggled with an inferiority complex and wicked jealous streak for years. God does not play favourites, and just because my life isn't like yours, it doesn't mean one is better then the other.

wealth is always moving with the horizon. you can have lots, and still feel limited. "mo money, mo problems!" (yep, i went there) i am blessed and thankful for my needs being met. He always takes care of me.

there IS such thing as gross coffee (I never use to believe it.)

i am not defined by how many friends, followers, and likes I get.

i am defined by how i treat those who i live and interact with, in person.

there is nothing new under the sun.

ministry would be great, if it weren't for the people. love people, but they are complicated, and let's be honest - sometimes hard to get a long with. {and sometimes i AM that person.}

it's important to do what you enjoy - whether career, or hobby - it is miserable to feel unfulfilled.

whatever season you are in, it's only a fragment of time. whether good or bad. remember your mountain tops when you are in the valley - to keep you encouraged. and remember your valley's when you are on the mountain top - to keep you humble.

you can never take too many pictures... especially of your beautifully, handsome, brilliant, charming, sweet, outgoing baby boy! {he definitely takes after his mother}

life starts when you stop trying to figure it out.

and lastly...

days become weeks. weeks become months. months become years. and they are all important. from the laziest day, to the longest year - they are all a part of my story, and they matter. it's important to not worry about what happened yesterday, or what will come of tomorrow. all i have is today.

 First birthday all married and stuff... 22 yrs old. 

 Rockin' a stiff upper lip for my 4th!

 Not happy about the cake at my 2nd b-day.

 :)

| high five for friday. |

1. Christmas: I set up our small Christmas tree in the corner of our living room, this week. I decided not to bring up all of the Christmas stuff from the basement, because we are going to Ontario on the 17th anyways, and I am not that big of a Christmas decoration person, anyways. Too much work for it to go unappreciated ;)

2. They see him rollin', they hatin': Bennett can roll from back to front, and front to back, now. He often gets stuck and I have to help him out, but it's cute to watch.

3. Nancy: I had a good, long, convo with my oldest and bestest of friends. (I know bestest is not a word.) It was so nice to be reminded how important friendship is. For a long time I have taken her for granted, I have searched high and low for another one like her, (because of distance and years gone by), and it's just not possible. You can't replace family, and she is like a sister to me. I love her dearly, and I am so excited to see her in December.

4. Hair: Gettin' these roots dealt with today. One of my favourite things.

5. Birthday cake: We are celebrating my birthday this weekend, and going to the Keg. I am so excited. I'm also heading out with my co-workers for a girls night, this evening (our version of a Christmas party) Pretty pumped for a weekend of parties!

| november joy dare | day sixteen

three gifts hard eucharisteo: 

1. some seasons are hard: And it's hard to see the purpose when you are in them. But, while you are waiting for your miracle... or answer... or change... we give thanks. We thank God for what we have, while we wait for what is going to give us.
In this pic I was 23. a student. a newly married pastor's wife. unemployed. discouraged. appalled by the thought of motherhood. constantly at battle. struggling. judgemental. bitter. and let's face, irritated by almost everyone I met.

yep, lots of good stuff. 

Between then and now I have gone through lots of tests and trials. Stuff that I hated at the time, but I wouldn't change for anything now. God always knows what He is doing. Little by little He chips at us, transforming us into all that we were made to be.

2. marriage is hard: As one of my Facebook friends put it the other day:

"Marriage: where a malfunctioning printer will erupt a fight between you." Yep.

So. True. I remember the first time Matt and I successful but a bookshelf together, without erupting into a huge bickering match. I am pretty sure we went to DQ to celebrate afterwards... only to get in a fight on the way there, over Matt's driving. Sigh. 

However, there is nobody else that I would rather "do life" with. I love my man. I love the family that I have been married into. I am so blessed to be a Bombay, and I always hope & pray that I do the family name proud. 

3. mom life. it's hard, too:  You know about my Ma struggles! And if you don't, read about them here. 

Or here. 
Or here.
What can I say? It's a daily struggle.
Not only do you have to carry around a second life for 10 months - ah, fun fact, pregnancy is 40 weeks long! - then you have to "help it along" and deliver it. Take care of it. Teach it stuff. Yep, it's lots of work. But - as my friend Stephanie said the other day on Twitter "Kids are hard work - but not a burden!" Isn't that the truth.

For every day that seems so exhausting, I am always ready to get up the next day and do it again... most of the time.

Except today.  I'm tired.

*I wish I could put into words how much work it was to get dressed in all that gear, just to get the mail.

| mom gig: peripheral visions |

I have this re-occuring vision.

I'm walking up the stairs with a big basket of laundry. I walk down the hallway and into my room, where I dump all of the clothes out on my bed and start folding. As I begin folding, I can see out of my peripheral, a little body standing in my doorway, just staring at me.

"Mommy, can I come in here and watch tv?" A wide eyed, 4 year old Bennett has snuck out of his room, and has began the bedtime stalling process.

This vision terrifies me. Because it is so real.
It's so real, that often times it catches me off guard.
I become startled because I can see him standing there. All on his own.

He is growing up so quickly. I know he is only 4 months... but for a person who has spent their whole life wishing for time to speed up, all I want is for it to slow down. 

Yesterday I had a list of things I wanted to get done. For some reason I like the house to be spotless all the time, even though we just sit here all day and make a mess of it anyways. I wanted to clean the floors, and do laundry. I wanted to dust, and vacuum, and go through some of Bennett's clothes that he has outgrown.

He didn't want me to do any of that.

After about 30 minutes of trying to make him happy, while simultaneously trying to get some of my "to-dos" done, I decided I would just hold him.

We sat on the couch, turned on some music, and he just laid in my arms and stared at me for about 2 minutes, and then he fell asleep.

As I sat there deciding whether I should jump on my opportunity to put him in his crib so I could do some work, or just hold him a little longer... I decided on the latter of the two.

I watched his little mouth move as if there was a soother still there.
I watched his hands as he held them together on his chest, just like his dad.
I watched his eyes flutter back and forth.
I watched a smile come across his face, as he slipped into a coma, and let out a sigh.

It's nice to live in a tidy spot. To feel accomplished, so that you can enjoy your down time, that is yet to come. But, it's really nice to take time and enjoy what has already been given to you.

For me, it's my son. For you it could be whatever makes your heart content.

Don't let your list of things that you "have to get done" - so you can enjoy the moment - stop you from actually enjoying the moment. 

So what if the floors don't get cleaned when I want them to? They will still be there tomorrow. Not on top of all that laundry? We are still fully clothed.

Today is the only day that Bennett will be 4 months & 6 days old. And in baby terms, that's a big deal. Everyday is big when the world is so new. 

At the end of the day I had the fullness of holding my son, & taking in all that he is. He eventually went down in his crib and had a good rest. And all that stuff I had on my to do list? It eventually got done, too.

Except the laundry. That is one task that I never mind putting off.
And I hope I get the chance to put it off today, too.  

| gratitude |

Thankful list for this week.

- friends that have become like family, priceless.

- my sister in laws: full of wisdom, like blood, and I cherish our ongoing weekly group text message.

- baby tylenol & vapour baths for Bennett's cold

- the diaper genie

- the dental office that I work at

- Jillian Michaels

- neo citran

- the humour section of Pinterest. so. good.

*and just when I was going to slip into a seasonal depression over this:

... I read this:
"Whenever this happens, my heart stops— I’m stunned, I can’t catch my breath. Listen to it! Listen to his thunder, the rolling, rumbling thunder of his voice. He lets loose his lightnings from horizon to horizon, lighting up the earth from pole to pole. In their wake, the thunder echoes his voice, powerful and majestic. He lets out all the stops, he holds nothing back. No one can mistake that voice— His word thundering so wondrously, his mighty acts staggering our understanding. He orders the snow, ‘Blanket the earth!’ and the rain, ‘Soak the whole countryside!’ No one can escape the weather—it’s there. And no one can escape from God. Wild animals take shelter, crawling into their dens, When blizzards roar out of the north and freezing rain crusts the land. It’s God’s breath that forms the ice, it’s God’s breath that turns lakes and rivers solid. And yes, it’s God who fills clouds with rainwater and hurls lightning from them every which way. He puts them through their paces—first this way, then that— commands them to do what he says all over the world. Whether for discipline or grace or extravagant love, he makes sure they make their mark.” Job 37:5-6  (MSG)

...so, I am thankful for the right word, at the right time, I guess ;) 

| november joy dare | day ten

| challenged by the blog A Holy Experience to make the attitude of gratitude a habit! |

day ten: three gifts found in bible reading

1. Zechariah 9:12 - "Come home, hope-filled prisoners! This very day I’m declaring a double bonus-everything you lost returned twice-over!"

This is my absolute favourite verse. It reminds me that even when it seems everything is lost, , or that you have been forgotten by God- His plan is greater. It reminds me that when we think we have had it ALL, and lost it- God is waiting to bless you with more then what you originally had. This has applied to all aspects of my life - the spiritual, mental, material, etc. Elim always stands out when I read this verse, because I feel like God completely changed the life of my family when we moved here, two years ago. I love the leaders and people of this church, and they are being used to change my life every day. 

2. Micah 6:8 - "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God"

I heard this verse for the first time when I was 20. My husband used it in a sermon one night at my home church. I remember feeling like my eyes were opened when he read it. For so long I wondered what being a Christian really meant. How was I suppose to do everything that the bible told me to do? It seemed so complicated. This verse has kept it simple for me. I have not perfected any of this - obviously... but when I get off track, I always go back to it, and remember what is good. 

3. 2 Chronicles 16:9 - For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth to show Himself strong in behalf of those whose hearts are blameless toward Him."

Another verse I didn't hear until I was about 20, I didn't really listen much before then, ha! I remember Pastor Dave Kingston pacing across the platform, quoting this verse in his sermons. Another one of those "a-ha!" verses for me. I have always kept this running in my mind. I have found that as long as I keep myself blameless towards Him - living the best I can, in an act of surrender, He ALWAYS takes care of me. He always shows Himself strong, on my behalf. I always pray that God will find my heart in the crowd, that my heart will stand out, and that I will remain blameless in His sight.

| mom gig: the first four months |

My son is 4 months old today.  

I thought I was ready to write this post when he was two weeks old, but every time I tried, I didn't get very far. Turns out, God had about 14 more weeks of curriculum for me. 

I've said it before, the first 2 months were hard. I questioned what I had done, thought I was going to have a breakdown many times, and had a few temper tantrums along the way. And, I still do. The sad part? I have a really content and "easy" baby.

It was a couple of weeks ago, that something shifted in me. A change. It helps that I started making time for God again (tip #1), but I started to see things differently. I saw the life in front of me, the one that so graciously has been loaned to me, and I saw God through my son.

The Big Guy is teaching me so much through my little man, and I wanted to share what I am learning through my new life as a mama, about my relationship with Him.

He has predestined me
Before Bennett was born, I had so many dreams and plans for what he may become. I imagined what he would look like - bald with a bit of blonde hair, chubby, a face that looked exactly like my husband's - most of these things were completely off. He was a scrawny, furry, dark haired baby that resembled a monkey. I imagined him being funny and smiley, loud and curious - those are all true. I dreamed that he would love to wear hats, not true (dream fail). I began praying for things that were not yet so, as if they were. We chose his name because it means "little blessed one". I began praying that he would be blessed by God, and in turn, be a blessing to others. And let's face it, Bennett Bombay is a pretty great televangelist name. {Dream big.}
God has chosen me. He has called me his own. He pre-destined me to be all that I am, before I ever took my first breath. And He calls those things that are not yet so in my life, as if they already are. The majority of people I have met are just longing to feel loved and valued. There is no greater sense of belonging then knowing God is watching over you, and has predestined you for your own personal journey.

He wants me to be happy.
I love watching Bennett jump and squeal in his jolly jumper.  I love to hear him laughing and chatting away in his crib, and I love the huge smile that comes across his face, when I walk into a room. I become overwhelmed to know that the life God has trusted with me, is so content and full.
God doesn't keep me under his thumb. He gave me life, and He desires that I enjoy it... to the fullest. He longs to see me functioning out of a heart of joy, and taking in all that He has put before me. I have learned that it starts with a thankful heart. The more thankful I become, the happier I get and the less fault I find with the life that I have been given.  That's all I really have to say about that.

He knows what I need
Often times I know what Bennett is going to need before he even has to "ask". Due to the routine we have tried to implement, it is easy for me to anticipate "the next step", and act accordingly. But, let's be honest, some days he pulls a fast one on me.
God watches over me and He knows what I need. He knows my hurt, desires and worries. He knows each step that is required for my journey. He is always there, moving me along in His will, answering my need before I even know that I have it. Sometimes the answers that He gives me are not always what I want, but they are always necessary in order to take the next step.

His love is unconditional
Some days I can't WAIT for Bennett to take a nap. He gets on my nerves, exhausts me, and I can become so frustrated with this whole mom gig, that I can't wait for a few hours of down time. All that being said, there are times that I pace the house, waiting for him to wake up so I can hold him again. My love is unconditional. It doesn't matter how many lows there are in a day, how many times he scratches me in the face, or head butts me, or wails from his crib, the love outshines the lows. Have I mentioned that he is becoming a bit "strong willed"? Payback.
God's mercy is all over those who are His. He doesn't pick and choose the days when He is going to love us. He isn't checking off a list requirements in order for us to earn His love. Let's face it, we all have our temper tantrums with God. We are messed up, imperfect beings, and regardless of what many would believe, God is not a bully. He isn't looking for a reason to write you off. He wrote off all of my wrongs long ago, and He loves me unconditionally. Even when I throw a fit.

He delights in watching me grow
Finding his hands, chewing on his feet, rolling around, jolly jumping, finding his voice, splashing in the tub… the list goes on and on. Everyday I am amazed with the progress in Bennett's life. I love seeing his eyes scanning a new surrounding, and the curiosity on his face, as he takes it all in. He's pretty fantastic, and I now understand why parents tend to brag about their children.
He loves to see us grow where we are planted. I am certain that when we have those "ah-ha" moments, God is pleased to watch His children grow. He rejoices over me with gladness. He busts out his phone and makes everyone look at his pics of me... (we all know those people) I haven't gone there, yet.

His dreams for me are BIG
Some of the people closest to us know that one of my biggest dreams for Bennett is that he becomes an Evangelist. I pray that he has a heart for people. I don't know where that came from, so I choose to believe that it is a God given dream. I pray that he will be bold and courageous in his faith. Matt and I always joke that he is going to have a "cheese-string ministry" in elementary school, where he hands out all of the food I send him (in combination with a side-hug), to the kids who are upset, or in need of a snack. Beginner dreams - but, that's besides the point…It's a long story on how that one came about.
God has a plan. It is specifically planned for my life, and He longs to be good to me. He sees a dream for me before I can even conceive it. He speaks it over my life, before it will ever come to be. I don't always know how I am going to get there, but I  know that He does, and He carries me into His plan.

I am learning... that I am never done learning.

The things that I think I know so clearly, are still blurry.

Little by little, He shows me another facet of His overwhelming love, through the life of a child.

And through it all, I am changed for the better.

| gratitude |

Halloween, candy, snow, pink eye, ring worm (yah, you read that right- it's not actually a worm, *fun fact*), parties, coffee dates, play dates, naps, laundry... oh it was a party.

So much to be thankful for, and I know that I am bombarding you with thankfulness, it's probably annoying... but, I am learning that my joy is in the repetitive, normal, realistic moments that are occurring everyday and forming my life.

The journey is the destination, and it begins with a thankful heart.

I read this today:

"The life that counts blessings discovers its yielding more than it seems." - Ann Voskamp

Often times we are so busy looking at what others have, and counting all of their blessings, that we forget to count our own.

When you take the time to look around your own life, you will find that you have more - and need less - then what you think. 


| gratitude |

- the pink eye that healed over night {giving a 4 month old eye drops = good times}

- a new friend

- a large assortment of Keurig coffee pods {you know, cause i like to mix it up}

- blogging, a creative outlet

- judge judy, she teaches me so much, and is hilarious {i wish i were kidding}

- the snow {even though its terrifying to drive in... it's so pretty}

- a husband that cooks

- completing all of my laundry in a day {that never happens}

- td jakes {for the days i feel like being preached at, and need to get fired up!}

- #SheReadsTruth, i successfully read my bible everyday this week because i had a community to do it with


AND, since gratitude and joy go hand in hand, I am incorporating today's JOY DARE into this post:

 

| november joy dare | day three |

{ challenged by the blog A Holy Experience to make the attitude of gratitude a habit!} 

day three: three gifts that start with N

1. naps: These are like gold now-a-days. I love when my son takes a good, long nap. It makes him a happier baby, and I get some rest too.

2. nostalgia: I love the memories that come flooding back when you see a picture, hear a song, or catch a smell from a past moment in time. I still remember this windy day, taking engagement pics with my man.

3. november: The month of my birth and a gift from God to be able to live and become all that He has made me to be. My first niece's birthday is the day after mine, and I always remember when she was born. I have never been so excited for something, and, even though I know the feeling of being a mom, there is so much joy that comes from being an aunt. {this is also a nostalgic pic, it was 5 years ago}



Happy Saturday! I am looking forward to a day of hibernating... and maybe shaving Bennett's head *stay tuned* ;)

A New Passion

Passion. The dictionary says that it is any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling- In other words, a strong feeling like love or hate in a person’s life.

Over the past couple of weeks I have been observing people who have a clear passion for SOMETHING in their lives. My husband often reminds me of his passion for sports, and video games- while others in my family show theirs for music, art, and literature. I observe mom’s who are passionate about being just that, a mom; young leaders who love being youth pastors, and co-workers who are passionate about their jobs and positions.

My most recent experience with my observation on passion would be right now, in my in-laws living room, as I watch the 2010 Vancouver Olympics. So many athletes who pour out their lives and everything they are into a sport that they love. I can’t even imagine the amount of energy and time that they invest into their sport, with the hope of a medal at the end. Yet even ability to say that they worked so hard, and made it to the Olympics, is a reward in itself. The passion that is ignited by the athletes and fan’s of a Country leaves me asking, and searching my own life, “what am I passionate about?”

The answer that I have been left with is… nothing. Well, I guess nothing of value or worth.

For the longest time I have described myself as someone who is tremendously passionate. If you cut me off in traffic- my road rage is passionate. If you disrespect my husband-my defensive words are passionate. When I shop-my search for great deals and getting more for my money, is passionate. My desire to attain good marks, and be successful in school, was passionate. My desire to see my husband succeed and be everything that he has dreamed he would be-has been passionate.

With all of this observation, it has awakened me to see that I really have not been passionate about the right things. I have not been passionate about the things that are positive and bring life. The things that bring results and success, that brings joy and fulfillment.

I guess that sometimes it is a fear of failure, or worry that I am not good enough, that holds me back. Recently I was listening to a sermon by Dr. James McDonald- a man who has replaced himself as “favorite” in my life, where Joyce Meyer once stood. He was talking about trials, and how if we can stay under and learn while God is refining us, then that is the gift. That is the joy. That is the ultimate reward because the reward is a stronger and wiser person. A person who can give the Glory to God, and say, “Look what the Lord has done”. A person that learns that no matter what the situation and trial is, God is there and his plan is still in place. He is in control. In his next breath he reminded his congregation that when you distract your heart and mind from your world, your situations, and the reality of the trouble you are facing- you are only hurting yourself. You are numbing yourself from that work that God wants to do in your life.

You are wondering where this fits in right??? Well- to be honest, for years that is exactly what I have been doing. Masking pain, and trials in everyday life with a false sense of passion. See, when things are hard, and the testing it so strong, it is easier for me to become invested in numerous t.v programs, that take me away from the reality of my life. It is easy for me to go to the mall, and not think about my problems, by spending money I don’t have, on things I don’t need. When push comes to shove, it is easier to be passionate about finding a way out of your situation, than it is to press through, and see the end reward.

Today I have decided to start being passionate about some different things. To start finding things that when I look back over my life, I will be proud about. To find passion in the things that I have been gifted in- whether I feel they measure up, or not. To be passionate about being a follower of Christ, and being committed to his will. To be passionate about my job, even if it is not where I would like to see myself. To be passionate about my marriage, and husband. To be passionate about being a loving person, and good friend. And to be passionate about things that I love, so that when I look back I have no regrets!

I have decided that one of the things that I have been a “closet” passionate about is the idea of my own blog. So, today I am giving it a go. No more holding back, thinking about it, or being envious of people who do the things that I want to and am just as capable of doing too.