Passion. The dictionary says that it is any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling- In other words, a strong feeling like love or hate in a person’s life.
Over the past couple of weeks I have been observing people who have a clear passion for SOMETHING in their lives. My husband often reminds me of his passion for sports, and video games- while others in my family show theirs for music, art, and literature. I observe mom’s who are passionate about being just that, a mom; young leaders who love being youth pastors, and co-workers who are passionate about their jobs and positions.
My most recent experience with my observation on passion would be right now, in my in-laws living room, as I watch the 2010 Vancouver Olympics. So many athletes who pour out their lives and everything they are into a sport that they love. I can’t even imagine the amount of energy and time that they invest into their sport, with the hope of a medal at the end. Yet even ability to say that they worked so hard, and made it to the Olympics, is a reward in itself. The passion that is ignited by the athletes and fan’s of a Country leaves me asking, and searching my own life, “what am I passionate about?”
The answer that I have been left with is… nothing. Well, I guess nothing of value or worth.
For the longest time I have described myself as someone who is tremendously passionate. If you cut me off in traffic- my road rage is passionate. If you disrespect my husband-my defensive words are passionate. When I shop-my search for great deals and getting more for my money, is passionate. My desire to attain good marks, and be successful in school, was passionate. My desire to see my husband succeed and be everything that he has dreamed he would be-has been passionate.
With all of this observation, it has awakened me to see that I really have not been passionate about the right things. I have not been passionate about the things that are positive and bring life. The things that bring results and success, that brings joy and fulfillment.
I guess that sometimes it is a fear of failure, or worry that I am not good enough, that holds me back. Recently I was listening to a sermon by Dr. James McDonald- a man who has replaced himself as “favorite” in my life, where Joyce Meyer once stood. He was talking about trials, and how if we can stay under and learn while God is refining us, then that is the gift. That is the joy. That is the ultimate reward because the reward is a stronger and wiser person. A person who can give the Glory to God, and say, “Look what the Lord has done”. A person that learns that no matter what the situation and trial is, God is there and his plan is still in place. He is in control. In his next breath he reminded his congregation that when you distract your heart and mind from your world, your situations, and the reality of the trouble you are facing- you are only hurting yourself. You are numbing yourself from that work that God wants to do in your life.
You are wondering where this fits in right??? Well- to be honest, for years that is exactly what I have been doing. Masking pain, and trials in everyday life with a false sense of passion. See, when things are hard, and the testing it so strong, it is easier for me to become invested in numerous t.v programs, that take me away from the reality of my life. It is easy for me to go to the mall, and not think about my problems, by spending money I don’t have, on things I don’t need. When push comes to shove, it is easier to be passionate about finding a way out of your situation, than it is to press through, and see the end reward.
Today I have decided to start being passionate about some different things. To start finding things that when I look back over my life, I will be proud about. To find passion in the things that I have been gifted in- whether I feel they measure up, or not. To be passionate about being a follower of Christ, and being committed to his will. To be passionate about my job, even if it is not where I would like to see myself. To be passionate about my marriage, and husband. To be passionate about being a loving person, and good friend. And to be passionate about things that I love, so that when I look back I have no regrets!
I have decided that one of the things that I have been a “closet” passionate about is the idea of my own blog. So, today I am giving it a go. No more holding back, thinking about it, or being envious of people who do the things that I want to and am just as capable of doing too.