Mom Gig: New Mom In An Opinionated World

Everyday I am bombarded with countless articles, statuses' and links that circle around the issue of parenting. It's ok... don't leave! i assure this isn't another one of those very things. 

I often wonder what it would be like to be a new parent in the 80's. When formula was all the rage, and car seats were picking up steam. I would have loved it. I Googled "when did car seats become mandatory", and most people born before 1980 only remember sitting on their parent's lap, or coming home in the form of a shoe box.

Breast fed or bottle fed. Crib or co sleeper. The introduction of food. Being a mom returning to the work field. These are just a few of the controversial topics that circulate around my social media on a daily. If it weren't for my family and close friends in other parts of the world, I would do away with Facebook, because I can't cope. Twitter. Instagram. They're really where it's at.

As a person who is probably considered to be mean and old school... I am often highly irritated when it comes to the opinion of others on these very topics. My baby drinks formula, sleeps in his own crib, gets his milestone vaccinations, went to the chiropractor, has been introduced to foods, sometimes I make him cry himself to sleep and occasionally (daily) he is exposed to the t.v. He thinks Judge Judy is his Grannie - I kid.

It's not that I believe that I am right, and you are wrong... it's that although some things may be better, it doesn't mean their alternative is wrong. And well, when you treat me like it is, I get moody. 

Here's the thing. If you have been a parent for 5 seconds you know how hard and glorious it is all in the same breath. Once the initial adrenaline rush of being a new mom wears off, reality sets in, then the weight of your new role sinks in - and sometimes that reality isn't pretty.

So the question is - if you know it's hard, and I know it's hard, why are we so hard on each other? And I am only 6 months in. I can't WAIT to see what it's like when he has a toddler meltdown at church, or encounters school politics.

I would have loved to have breastfed my baby for more then a week (real talk) ... but well, there are these things called complications, and sometimes all doesn't go as planned. If I had a month of support post delivery, and a live in doula, I am sure that I would have conquered my breast feeding woes, but that just didn't happen. After three days of public health insisting I feed Bennett by way of syringe and tube, you could say I was on the verge of a postpartum meltdown. So, if you could cease from giving me a condescending eye when I whip out my kid's bottle full of formula, that would be great. 

We all have a story. We have expectations, and dreams, and sometimes they come crashing down, because reality has this way of setting in.

I am not better than you. You are not better than me. Sometimes it's important to step away from the place of your stubborn stance and look at a situation from another angle. I assure you I am preaching to myself, as well.

What works for you and your family?
Are you and your baby happy?
Do the people that question you really affect your life?
I run through this list of questions over and over again.

I know for me there are some things that I am passionate about, and they may not be the same for you, but that's what makes us all who we are. There are things that I question on a daily, and other things that I know without a doubt. But really, if another person's choices aren't hurting you, does it really do any good to let them know your opinion? Especially if they don't ask? There are a lot of modern practices that I am not keen on. I rarely shed my opinion on them, because I doubt my opinion matters.  

I don't have to live your life, and you don't have to live mine.  Amen to that, amirite?


If you haven't had a baby yet, but are considering it, please know that you will have dreams and ideas about what being a parent is like - and from the moment you tell people you are pregnant, they will crush them. It's what people do, and it's really annoying. Most people mean well, but just remember that dreaming is a part of the process, and when YOUR reality hits, some of those things will be just like you had imagined, and others will not. And it's ok to make decisions based on that alone.  

Your reality. Your life. 

I am not probing for a debate, or a declaration of "I am right and you are wrong". That would defeat the point of my post. I am sick of the right and wrong thing.  

I am just asking that as parents we go easy on each other, because we are all in this together. 

Help, and not judge.
Ask, and not assume.
Walk side by side, and not compete.

Take the tidbits of wisdom that help, and brush off the things that don't.
Find someone that you trust, who will stand beside you and assure you that you are not failing.
Live YOUR life, and do what works for you.

 I was terrified that I would lose any form of bond with Bennett when I switched him to a bottle. Turns out he loves me just the same, and he looks at me a million times a day like I am the coolest person in the world. These are the moments that matter to me.

| life: 28 years later |

28 years later. 

I have looked at myself through the eyes of a 21 year old for... well, 7 years. I think over the last year I have actually started seeing myself for the age that I am, and not the age that I remember being.

This year... has been a big one. Lots of highs and lows, always learning, always failing - but always growing. And with that, comes lots of personal reflection.

I have learned 

that motherhood is hard, and it's easy to judge other parents when you aren't one - or don't live THEIR life.

i don't like shopping as much as i like to impress people. approval addiction. (work in progress)

friends are important. relationships are hard work.

it's o.k to like what i like. even if others don't.

i enjoy having a blog, because i don't feel obligated to use capital letters.

people don't care about me as much i think they do (in a good, "you're not the centre of the universe" kind of way)

how you act, and the choices you make have consequences, and they impact people. for good or bad.

naps are gold. don't take your free time for granted when you have it! ;)

worry. it doesn't add to my life, and it doesn't solve my problems. sooner or later, it all works out... even if it's not the way i had planned. (lesson in progress)

it's important to lighten up. expectations put on myself, other people, situations, etc. are always a doorway to disappointment. sometimes you just gotta let. it. be.

to stop wishing people knew me "back when" and "before this happened" and just let them know me for who I am now, the person that i have become because of those moments.

where I am now is not where I will always be. there is hope. there is growth. life is a journey.

people are crazy. and someone probably finds me crazy, too.

life is too short to not eat the things you want. seriously, eat the freaking cheesecake/candy/chips/chocolate, etc... LETS GO! { in moderation, of course } who am i kidding... i have always been an advocate of this, and not in moderation either. candy is always a good idea. cake is always a good breakfast, and so is pie. 

people in Saskatchewan don't know how to drive. sorry to generalize. but seriously. come on.

the importance of being happy for other people. i struggled with an inferiority complex and wicked jealous streak for years. God does not play favourites, and just because my life isn't like yours, it doesn't mean one is better then the other.

wealth is always moving with the horizon. you can have lots, and still feel limited. "mo money, mo problems!" (yep, i went there) i am blessed and thankful for my needs being met. He always takes care of me.

there IS such thing as gross coffee (I never use to believe it.)

i am not defined by how many friends, followers, and likes I get.

i am defined by how i treat those who i live and interact with, in person.

there is nothing new under the sun.

ministry would be great, if it weren't for the people. love people, but they are complicated, and let's be honest - sometimes hard to get a long with. {and sometimes i AM that person.}

it's important to do what you enjoy - whether career, or hobby - it is miserable to feel unfulfilled.

whatever season you are in, it's only a fragment of time. whether good or bad. remember your mountain tops when you are in the valley - to keep you encouraged. and remember your valley's when you are on the mountain top - to keep you humble.

you can never take too many pictures... especially of your beautifully, handsome, brilliant, charming, sweet, outgoing baby boy! {he definitely takes after his mother}

life starts when you stop trying to figure it out.

and lastly...

days become weeks. weeks become months. months become years. and they are all important. from the laziest day, to the longest year - they are all a part of my story, and they matter. it's important to not worry about what happened yesterday, or what will come of tomorrow. all i have is today.

 First birthday all married and stuff... 22 yrs old. 

 Rockin' a stiff upper lip for my 4th!

 Not happy about the cake at my 2nd b-day.

 :)

| november joy dare | day twenty six

three gifts prepared: 

1. t-shirt screens: this is all i want for my birthday, and Christmas. Preparing them today so I can make them in the next week or so. Look for it in pinspirations! :)

2. foot molds: preparing this for Nana Bombay for Christmas.

3. lights: going to pull out the Christmas decorations today. I'm not putting a lot up, but going to use them for our Elevate Christmas formal, and a possible baby Christmas pic! Stay tuned.

| high five for friday. |

1. Christmas: I set up our small Christmas tree in the corner of our living room, this week. I decided not to bring up all of the Christmas stuff from the basement, because we are going to Ontario on the 17th anyways, and I am not that big of a Christmas decoration person, anyways. Too much work for it to go unappreciated ;)

2. They see him rollin', they hatin': Bennett can roll from back to front, and front to back, now. He often gets stuck and I have to help him out, but it's cute to watch.

3. Nancy: I had a good, long, convo with my oldest and bestest of friends. (I know bestest is not a word.) It was so nice to be reminded how important friendship is. For a long time I have taken her for granted, I have searched high and low for another one like her, (because of distance and years gone by), and it's just not possible. You can't replace family, and she is like a sister to me. I love her dearly, and I am so excited to see her in December.

4. Hair: Gettin' these roots dealt with today. One of my favourite things.

5. Birthday cake: We are celebrating my birthday this weekend, and going to the Keg. I am so excited. I'm also heading out with my co-workers for a girls night, this evening (our version of a Christmas party) Pretty pumped for a weekend of parties!

| #hashtags. |

Let's be clear. I'm not getting cheesy! I obviously know I can't live without God, my husband, the baby, the bible, etc, etc.

I'm keeping this strictly materialistic.

1. coffee
2. sunggle fabric softener
3. almonds (I panic if I don't have them on hand)
4. my iPhone
5. mascara
6. blush
7. dry shampoo
8. judge judy

bam.
you?

| pinspirations. |

I've been thinking. Pinterest. A phenomenon where I spend hours "pinning" things I want to do, wish I owned, and plan on learning how to make... and I never do it.

I have spent the last year pinning outfits that looks exactly like the ones in my closet, food that I have all the ingredients for, and never try and countless home "DIY"s that I have never completed.

So, I have been pinspired to challenge myself.

First challenge: 30 outfits in 30 days, with clothes I already own. What's the point in more clothes, when I don't even wear the ones I have? And let's be honest, I can't afford to always be buying clothes, just because I want them.

Second challenge: One Pinterest recipe a week.

Third challenge: One Pinterest DIY project a week.

With age I am learning that I can't sit around and watch other people doing the things that I wish I was doing. Wishing never gets us anywhere, it's the doing that makes it happen (obviously). For me, it's about blogging, clothes, and some DIY stuff. For you, it could be... scrap-booking, I don't know! The point is... DO IT.

I think that Pinterest is such an amazing invention. I love browsing it and having my eyes opened to new things, so I really want to utilize it for what it has to offer.

Join with me in my journey! I am sure it will be... pinteresting, a cha cha cha ;) 

| #hashtags. |

- a night of good sleep
- the Saskatoon sun. it shines, ya know
- roadtrips
- judge judy
- my sons almost laughter
- people that utilize their blinker when driving
- my husband. I find him... amusing
- the View's hot topics segment. it's more like a smile/frown relationship
- a good workout. endorphins. yes
- coffee. with milk & splenda
- david letterman
- shopping, more importantly, value village
- winter tires
- pinterest. i could browse for hours
- getting my hair done
- gifts. it's my love language
- a short line up at WalMart
- pvr
- a good deal
- unexpected mail
- the beach
- comfort food

| mom gig: peripheral visions |

I have this re-occuring vision.

I'm walking up the stairs with a big basket of laundry. I walk down the hallway and into my room, where I dump all of the clothes out on my bed and start folding. As I begin folding, I can see out of my peripheral, a little body standing in my doorway, just staring at me.

"Mommy, can I come in here and watch tv?" A wide eyed, 4 year old Bennett has snuck out of his room, and has began the bedtime stalling process.

This vision terrifies me. Because it is so real.
It's so real, that often times it catches me off guard.
I become startled because I can see him standing there. All on his own.

He is growing up so quickly. I know he is only 4 months... but for a person who has spent their whole life wishing for time to speed up, all I want is for it to slow down. 

Yesterday I had a list of things I wanted to get done. For some reason I like the house to be spotless all the time, even though we just sit here all day and make a mess of it anyways. I wanted to clean the floors, and do laundry. I wanted to dust, and vacuum, and go through some of Bennett's clothes that he has outgrown.

He didn't want me to do any of that.

After about 30 minutes of trying to make him happy, while simultaneously trying to get some of my "to-dos" done, I decided I would just hold him.

We sat on the couch, turned on some music, and he just laid in my arms and stared at me for about 2 minutes, and then he fell asleep.

As I sat there deciding whether I should jump on my opportunity to put him in his crib so I could do some work, or just hold him a little longer... I decided on the latter of the two.

I watched his little mouth move as if there was a soother still there.
I watched his hands as he held them together on his chest, just like his dad.
I watched his eyes flutter back and forth.
I watched a smile come across his face, as he slipped into a coma, and let out a sigh.

It's nice to live in a tidy spot. To feel accomplished, so that you can enjoy your down time, that is yet to come. But, it's really nice to take time and enjoy what has already been given to you.

For me, it's my son. For you it could be whatever makes your heart content.

Don't let your list of things that you "have to get done" - so you can enjoy the moment - stop you from actually enjoying the moment. 

So what if the floors don't get cleaned when I want them to? They will still be there tomorrow. Not on top of all that laundry? We are still fully clothed.

Today is the only day that Bennett will be 4 months & 6 days old. And in baby terms, that's a big deal. Everyday is big when the world is so new. 

At the end of the day I had the fullness of holding my son, & taking in all that he is. He eventually went down in his crib and had a good rest. And all that stuff I had on my to do list? It eventually got done, too.

Except the laundry. That is one task that I never mind putting off.
And I hope I get the chance to put it off today, too.  

| high five for friday |

 

1. I won my clothing club on Monday night, and that means over $300 to spend on myself. I went and looked around the mall for the first time in months, on a mission to spend. Naturally, when I have the money - I can't find anything I want. But, I did walk out with these two iPhone covers. One's fun, for Bennett to smile at during all the picture taking ;), and one is faaaaancy --- you know, for all of those elegant affairs that I attend. 

2. Matt & I busted out of the house this week and went to the Youth For Christ banquet. The roast beef was good... but the cheesecake was fantastic! 

3. The sun came out this week. I was jonesing. This is the view from my bedroom, love that park and big open sky.

4. Bennett hit the 4 month mark on Thursday! 

5.  Annnnnnd, how can your week not be good when you get to hang out with this dude everyday! :)

| mom gig: the first four months |

My son is 4 months old today.  

I thought I was ready to write this post when he was two weeks old, but every time I tried, I didn't get very far. Turns out, God had about 14 more weeks of curriculum for me. 

I've said it before, the first 2 months were hard. I questioned what I had done, thought I was going to have a breakdown many times, and had a few temper tantrums along the way. And, I still do. The sad part? I have a really content and "easy" baby.

It was a couple of weeks ago, that something shifted in me. A change. It helps that I started making time for God again (tip #1), but I started to see things differently. I saw the life in front of me, the one that so graciously has been loaned to me, and I saw God through my son.

The Big Guy is teaching me so much through my little man, and I wanted to share what I am learning through my new life as a mama, about my relationship with Him.

He has predestined me
Before Bennett was born, I had so many dreams and plans for what he may become. I imagined what he would look like - bald with a bit of blonde hair, chubby, a face that looked exactly like my husband's - most of these things were completely off. He was a scrawny, furry, dark haired baby that resembled a monkey. I imagined him being funny and smiley, loud and curious - those are all true. I dreamed that he would love to wear hats, not true (dream fail). I began praying for things that were not yet so, as if they were. We chose his name because it means "little blessed one". I began praying that he would be blessed by God, and in turn, be a blessing to others. And let's face it, Bennett Bombay is a pretty great televangelist name. {Dream big.}
God has chosen me. He has called me his own. He pre-destined me to be all that I am, before I ever took my first breath. And He calls those things that are not yet so in my life, as if they already are. The majority of people I have met are just longing to feel loved and valued. There is no greater sense of belonging then knowing God is watching over you, and has predestined you for your own personal journey.

He wants me to be happy.
I love watching Bennett jump and squeal in his jolly jumper.  I love to hear him laughing and chatting away in his crib, and I love the huge smile that comes across his face, when I walk into a room. I become overwhelmed to know that the life God has trusted with me, is so content and full.
God doesn't keep me under his thumb. He gave me life, and He desires that I enjoy it... to the fullest. He longs to see me functioning out of a heart of joy, and taking in all that He has put before me. I have learned that it starts with a thankful heart. The more thankful I become, the happier I get and the less fault I find with the life that I have been given.  That's all I really have to say about that.

He knows what I need
Often times I know what Bennett is going to need before he even has to "ask". Due to the routine we have tried to implement, it is easy for me to anticipate "the next step", and act accordingly. But, let's be honest, some days he pulls a fast one on me.
God watches over me and He knows what I need. He knows my hurt, desires and worries. He knows each step that is required for my journey. He is always there, moving me along in His will, answering my need before I even know that I have it. Sometimes the answers that He gives me are not always what I want, but they are always necessary in order to take the next step.

His love is unconditional
Some days I can't WAIT for Bennett to take a nap. He gets on my nerves, exhausts me, and I can become so frustrated with this whole mom gig, that I can't wait for a few hours of down time. All that being said, there are times that I pace the house, waiting for him to wake up so I can hold him again. My love is unconditional. It doesn't matter how many lows there are in a day, how many times he scratches me in the face, or head butts me, or wails from his crib, the love outshines the lows. Have I mentioned that he is becoming a bit "strong willed"? Payback.
God's mercy is all over those who are His. He doesn't pick and choose the days when He is going to love us. He isn't checking off a list requirements in order for us to earn His love. Let's face it, we all have our temper tantrums with God. We are messed up, imperfect beings, and regardless of what many would believe, God is not a bully. He isn't looking for a reason to write you off. He wrote off all of my wrongs long ago, and He loves me unconditionally. Even when I throw a fit.

He delights in watching me grow
Finding his hands, chewing on his feet, rolling around, jolly jumping, finding his voice, splashing in the tub… the list goes on and on. Everyday I am amazed with the progress in Bennett's life. I love seeing his eyes scanning a new surrounding, and the curiosity on his face, as he takes it all in. He's pretty fantastic, and I now understand why parents tend to brag about their children.
He loves to see us grow where we are planted. I am certain that when we have those "ah-ha" moments, God is pleased to watch His children grow. He rejoices over me with gladness. He busts out his phone and makes everyone look at his pics of me... (we all know those people) I haven't gone there, yet.

His dreams for me are BIG
Some of the people closest to us know that one of my biggest dreams for Bennett is that he becomes an Evangelist. I pray that he has a heart for people. I don't know where that came from, so I choose to believe that it is a God given dream. I pray that he will be bold and courageous in his faith. Matt and I always joke that he is going to have a "cheese-string ministry" in elementary school, where he hands out all of the food I send him (in combination with a side-hug), to the kids who are upset, or in need of a snack. Beginner dreams - but, that's besides the point…It's a long story on how that one came about.
God has a plan. It is specifically planned for my life, and He longs to be good to me. He sees a dream for me before I can even conceive it. He speaks it over my life, before it will ever come to be. I don't always know how I am going to get there, but I  know that He does, and He carries me into His plan.

I am learning... that I am never done learning.

The things that I think I know so clearly, are still blurry.

Little by little, He shows me another facet of His overwhelming love, through the life of a child.

And through it all, I am changed for the better.

| #hashtags. |

In no particular order...

#Top10FavoriteAlbums

Hillsong - Beautiful Exchange
Flags - Brooke Fraser
My Love Is Your Love - Whitney Houston
Bethel Live - Here Is Love
The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill - Lauryn Hill
Live At Radio City Music Hall - Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds
Awakening - Passion
Rise Up - Rita Springer
A Rush of Blood to the Head - Coldplay
Viva La Vida - Coldplay

| #hashtags. |

A lot of times I see a trending #hashtag on Twitter, and I think to myself "hmm... what ARE #20SongsThatILike?" 

I saw this on Twitter last night, and I thought - instead of being super annoying and clogging up my friends newsfeed - I would do it on here.

In no particular order, and no preference to genre... I'm even starting to like country,  #20SongsThatILike

1. You Are Still Holy - Rita springer
2. Worth It All - Rita Springer
3. None But Jesus - Hillsong
4. The Maker - Dave Matthews version 
5. Maybe - Ingrid Michaelson
6. Your Song - Ellie Goulding version 
7. Washed By the Water - Needtobreathe
8. Forever Reign - Hillsong
9. Sabotage - Beastie Boys
10. Flags - Brooke Fraser
11. Grey Street - Dave Matthews band
12. Stay or Leave - Dave Matthews band
13. Beautiful Boy - John Lennon
14. Boasting - Lecrae
15. Cosmic Love - Florence & the machine
16. Shadowfeet - Brooke Fraser
17. The Scientist - Coldplay
18. Big White Gate - Grace Potter & the Nocturnals
19. Selah - Lauryn Hill
20. Lily of the Valley - Rita Springer