Mom Gig: New Mom In An Opinionated World

Everyday I am bombarded with countless articles, statuses' and links that circle around the issue of parenting. It's ok... don't leave! i assure this isn't another one of those very things. 

I often wonder what it would be like to be a new parent in the 80's. When formula was all the rage, and car seats were picking up steam. I would have loved it. I Googled "when did car seats become mandatory", and most people born before 1980 only remember sitting on their parent's lap, or coming home in the form of a shoe box.

Breast fed or bottle fed. Crib or co sleeper. The introduction of food. Being a mom returning to the work field. These are just a few of the controversial topics that circulate around my social media on a daily. If it weren't for my family and close friends in other parts of the world, I would do away with Facebook, because I can't cope. Twitter. Instagram. They're really where it's at.

As a person who is probably considered to be mean and old school... I am often highly irritated when it comes to the opinion of others on these very topics. My baby drinks formula, sleeps in his own crib, gets his milestone vaccinations, went to the chiropractor, has been introduced to foods, sometimes I make him cry himself to sleep and occasionally (daily) he is exposed to the t.v. He thinks Judge Judy is his Grannie - I kid.

It's not that I believe that I am right, and you are wrong... it's that although some things may be better, it doesn't mean their alternative is wrong. And well, when you treat me like it is, I get moody. 

Here's the thing. If you have been a parent for 5 seconds you know how hard and glorious it is all in the same breath. Once the initial adrenaline rush of being a new mom wears off, reality sets in, then the weight of your new role sinks in - and sometimes that reality isn't pretty.

So the question is - if you know it's hard, and I know it's hard, why are we so hard on each other? And I am only 6 months in. I can't WAIT to see what it's like when he has a toddler meltdown at church, or encounters school politics.

I would have loved to have breastfed my baby for more then a week (real talk) ... but well, there are these things called complications, and sometimes all doesn't go as planned. If I had a month of support post delivery, and a live in doula, I am sure that I would have conquered my breast feeding woes, but that just didn't happen. After three days of public health insisting I feed Bennett by way of syringe and tube, you could say I was on the verge of a postpartum meltdown. So, if you could cease from giving me a condescending eye when I whip out my kid's bottle full of formula, that would be great. 

We all have a story. We have expectations, and dreams, and sometimes they come crashing down, because reality has this way of setting in.

I am not better than you. You are not better than me. Sometimes it's important to step away from the place of your stubborn stance and look at a situation from another angle. I assure you I am preaching to myself, as well.

What works for you and your family?
Are you and your baby happy?
Do the people that question you really affect your life?
I run through this list of questions over and over again.

I know for me there are some things that I am passionate about, and they may not be the same for you, but that's what makes us all who we are. There are things that I question on a daily, and other things that I know without a doubt. But really, if another person's choices aren't hurting you, does it really do any good to let them know your opinion? Especially if they don't ask? There are a lot of modern practices that I am not keen on. I rarely shed my opinion on them, because I doubt my opinion matters.  

I don't have to live your life, and you don't have to live mine.  Amen to that, amirite?


If you haven't had a baby yet, but are considering it, please know that you will have dreams and ideas about what being a parent is like - and from the moment you tell people you are pregnant, they will crush them. It's what people do, and it's really annoying. Most people mean well, but just remember that dreaming is a part of the process, and when YOUR reality hits, some of those things will be just like you had imagined, and others will not. And it's ok to make decisions based on that alone.  

Your reality. Your life. 

I am not probing for a debate, or a declaration of "I am right and you are wrong". That would defeat the point of my post. I am sick of the right and wrong thing.  

I am just asking that as parents we go easy on each other, because we are all in this together. 

Help, and not judge.
Ask, and not assume.
Walk side by side, and not compete.

Take the tidbits of wisdom that help, and brush off the things that don't.
Find someone that you trust, who will stand beside you and assure you that you are not failing.
Live YOUR life, and do what works for you.

 I was terrified that I would lose any form of bond with Bennett when I switched him to a bottle. Turns out he loves me just the same, and he looks at me a million times a day like I am the coolest person in the world. These are the moments that matter to me.

| november joy dare | day 30

three gifts astonishing: 

1. apple crisp: this never happens. i was craving apple crisp all night, and i actually had the ingredients for it!

2. friendship: reminded lately that true friendship always picks up where it left off... that no matter what you go through, or how long you are separated, a true friendship is never lost!

3. joy dares: the fact that i completed this month of joy dares! i never finish anything.

| november joy dare | day twenty nine

three gifts red:

1. my favourite mugs: friends from our last church gave us these when they got a new set, and they hold a mean cup of coffee...

2. the best dishcloth: i randomly bought these from Homesense a few months ago, and they are the BEST cloths I have ever used. they grab everything!

3. betty crocker recipe book: Matt's grandma Shirley gave me this recipe book when we first got married because she was concerned that I couldn't cook. I like to put it on display to remember her.

| november joy dare | day twenty eight

three gifts in community: 

1. our community: i love our area of Saskatoon. it takes 2 minutes to get from my house to work, there are lots of parks, and we are close to Wal Mart (hell on earth, but neccessary).

2. community of students: i love our youth group and the relationships that are building between all of the kids. this is the first year that i am really noticing a sense of community and relationship building. it's awesome.

3. church family: i know i go on and on about our church, but it is truly a blessing to be a part of a community of believers who love one another. i love our church's desire to see people grow in their relationship with God and others. it is my goal as i go forward to build more meaningful and deeper relationships with those around me. church is a blessing!

| life: 28 years later |

28 years later. 

I have looked at myself through the eyes of a 21 year old for... well, 7 years. I think over the last year I have actually started seeing myself for the age that I am, and not the age that I remember being.

This year... has been a big one. Lots of highs and lows, always learning, always failing - but always growing. And with that, comes lots of personal reflection.

I have learned 

that motherhood is hard, and it's easy to judge other parents when you aren't one - or don't live THEIR life.

i don't like shopping as much as i like to impress people. approval addiction. (work in progress)

friends are important. relationships are hard work.

it's o.k to like what i like. even if others don't.

i enjoy having a blog, because i don't feel obligated to use capital letters.

people don't care about me as much i think they do (in a good, "you're not the centre of the universe" kind of way)

how you act, and the choices you make have consequences, and they impact people. for good or bad.

naps are gold. don't take your free time for granted when you have it! ;)

worry. it doesn't add to my life, and it doesn't solve my problems. sooner or later, it all works out... even if it's not the way i had planned. (lesson in progress)

it's important to lighten up. expectations put on myself, other people, situations, etc. are always a doorway to disappointment. sometimes you just gotta let. it. be.

to stop wishing people knew me "back when" and "before this happened" and just let them know me for who I am now, the person that i have become because of those moments.

where I am now is not where I will always be. there is hope. there is growth. life is a journey.

people are crazy. and someone probably finds me crazy, too.

life is too short to not eat the things you want. seriously, eat the freaking cheesecake/candy/chips/chocolate, etc... LETS GO! { in moderation, of course } who am i kidding... i have always been an advocate of this, and not in moderation either. candy is always a good idea. cake is always a good breakfast, and so is pie. 

people in Saskatchewan don't know how to drive. sorry to generalize. but seriously. come on.

the importance of being happy for other people. i struggled with an inferiority complex and wicked jealous streak for years. God does not play favourites, and just because my life isn't like yours, it doesn't mean one is better then the other.

wealth is always moving with the horizon. you can have lots, and still feel limited. "mo money, mo problems!" (yep, i went there) i am blessed and thankful for my needs being met. He always takes care of me.

there IS such thing as gross coffee (I never use to believe it.)

i am not defined by how many friends, followers, and likes I get.

i am defined by how i treat those who i live and interact with, in person.

there is nothing new under the sun.

ministry would be great, if it weren't for the people. love people, but they are complicated, and let's be honest - sometimes hard to get a long with. {and sometimes i AM that person.}

it's important to do what you enjoy - whether career, or hobby - it is miserable to feel unfulfilled.

whatever season you are in, it's only a fragment of time. whether good or bad. remember your mountain tops when you are in the valley - to keep you encouraged. and remember your valley's when you are on the mountain top - to keep you humble.

you can never take too many pictures... especially of your beautifully, handsome, brilliant, charming, sweet, outgoing baby boy! {he definitely takes after his mother}

life starts when you stop trying to figure it out.

and lastly...

days become weeks. weeks become months. months become years. and they are all important. from the laziest day, to the longest year - they are all a part of my story, and they matter. it's important to not worry about what happened yesterday, or what will come of tomorrow. all i have is today.

 First birthday all married and stuff... 22 yrs old. 

 Rockin' a stiff upper lip for my 4th!

 Not happy about the cake at my 2nd b-day.

 :)

| november joy dare | day twenty seven

a gift handmade, held, happy. 

1. baby foot mold.

2. father and son.

3. happiest with him.  

 

| november joy dare | day twenty six

three gifts prepared: 

1. t-shirt screens: this is all i want for my birthday, and Christmas. Preparing them today so I can make them in the next week or so. Look for it in pinspirations! :)

2. foot molds: preparing this for Nana Bombay for Christmas.

3. lights: going to pull out the Christmas decorations today. I'm not putting a lot up, but going to use them for our Elevate Christmas formal, and a possible baby Christmas pic! Stay tuned.

| november joy dare | day twenty five

three gifts ugly beautiful:

1. my home today: love my home it is beautiful, but today... it is ugly due to disaster.

2. birthdays: another year older (sad) but I have lived another year of life (beautiful), and this year has been the best year of my life, because Bennett is here. I still function out of the mindset that I am 20 years old. I kind of stopped looking at myself as being any older at that age... but, sadly, I am 28 in two days. Getting close to the dreaded 3-0. Sigh.

3. Saskatchewan winter: I know I have mentioned this a lot... the winters can be ugly because of the cold, but the snow is so beautiful, and when the sun comes out- it is magical! ha I don't usually use the word magical. Interesting.

| november joy dare | day 24-ish

my OCD and perfectionist personality traits are going crazy over the fact that I forgot to do this yesterday! UGH! I ruined a streak. Oh well. 

three gifts humble: 

1. the disaster: Every once in a while it's good to remind yourself that you can't do it all. I have no desire to do anything but rest this afternoon, and my house is a pig pen! oh well. my sanity is more important, and I can clean later, when I am fully charged. We are all happy.

2. this child: I am humbled to know that God would give me such a good gift. Every day I love him a little bit more, and I didn't think that was possible.

3. my church family: there are so many amazing people at my church. SO humble, caring, genuine, true, loving, Christ-like, merciful, and real. Whenever I think about the gift that God has given us in this church, I thank God, and I am humbled to know that he would place us at Elim in this time. This pic is of my friend Charmaine, with Bennett from today. It's so nice to have other people love on Bennett, especially when we are so far from family. I wish you could hear him shreaking - it was hilarious.

| november joy dare | day twenty three

three gifts only in Christ: 

1. salvation: "for by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." - Ephesians 2:8-9

2. new life: "this means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" - 2 Corinthians 5:17

3. steadfast love: "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." - Lamentations 3:22-23 

| november joy dare | day twenty

three gifts of tradition:

I wish I could say that we have a lot of traditions around here... but we don't. I think now that we have Bennett, there will be more of an effort to carry out family traditions, but it is honestly so hard for me to think of 3 right now... I tend to be a very traditional person. I don't like change.

1. turkey dinners: If I am not involved of some sort of holiday turkey meal, I am devestated and depressed.

2. stockings: I LOVE stockings at Christmas. I get so giddy for them.

3. snow: I could do without the cold weather and poor driving conditions, but I love snow at Christmas. There were times in Ontario where you could see green grass on Christmas morning, and it's upsetting.

I don't have any pics for these things right now... and I have had a hectic morning.

| november joy dare | day nineteen

three gifts: autumn.

Let's be honest. It hasn't looked like autumn around here since Thanksgiving weekend. I wish we still had that fall atmosphere.

1. sweaters: love being all cozied up, and covered up.

2. warm drinks: no explanation needed.

3. pumpkin anything: especially pie. mmm.

Bring on the eggnog.

| november joy dare | day sixteen

three gifts hard eucharisteo: 

1. some seasons are hard: And it's hard to see the purpose when you are in them. But, while you are waiting for your miracle... or answer... or change... we give thanks. We thank God for what we have, while we wait for what is going to give us.
In this pic I was 23. a student. a newly married pastor's wife. unemployed. discouraged. appalled by the thought of motherhood. constantly at battle. struggling. judgemental. bitter. and let's face, irritated by almost everyone I met.

yep, lots of good stuff. 

Between then and now I have gone through lots of tests and trials. Stuff that I hated at the time, but I wouldn't change for anything now. God always knows what He is doing. Little by little He chips at us, transforming us into all that we were made to be.

2. marriage is hard: As one of my Facebook friends put it the other day:

"Marriage: where a malfunctioning printer will erupt a fight between you." Yep.

So. True. I remember the first time Matt and I successful but a bookshelf together, without erupting into a huge bickering match. I am pretty sure we went to DQ to celebrate afterwards... only to get in a fight on the way there, over Matt's driving. Sigh. 

However, there is nobody else that I would rather "do life" with. I love my man. I love the family that I have been married into. I am so blessed to be a Bombay, and I always hope & pray that I do the family name proud. 

3. mom life. it's hard, too:  You know about my Ma struggles! And if you don't, read about them here. 

Or here. 
Or here.
What can I say? It's a daily struggle.
Not only do you have to carry around a second life for 10 months - ah, fun fact, pregnancy is 40 weeks long! - then you have to "help it along" and deliver it. Take care of it. Teach it stuff. Yep, it's lots of work. But - as my friend Stephanie said the other day on Twitter "Kids are hard work - but not a burden!" Isn't that the truth.

For every day that seems so exhausting, I am always ready to get up the next day and do it again... most of the time.

Except today.  I'm tired.

*I wish I could put into words how much work it was to get dressed in all that gear, just to get the mail.

| november joy dare | day fifteen

 | challenged by the blog A Holy Experience to make the attitude of gratitude a habit! |

three gifts golden: 
1. blonde hair: it doesn't matter how long I have been getting my hair done at the salon, every time I go, I still feel like a million bucks! I am glad that after almost 7 years of marriage my husband has learned to go with it, and not say a word... no matter how much it costs.

2. wedding rings: a symbol of the gift that I get to live everyday with my best friend.

3. patience: I was sitting here trying to figure out what my last "gift" would be, when all of a sudden I spilled a whole mug of coffee ALL over me, the couch, my phone & laptop. My ability to remain calm, and not lose my mind at 7:15 in the morning is a big... wait... huge accomplishment.

| mom gig: peripheral visions |

I have this re-occuring vision.

I'm walking up the stairs with a big basket of laundry. I walk down the hallway and into my room, where I dump all of the clothes out on my bed and start folding. As I begin folding, I can see out of my peripheral, a little body standing in my doorway, just staring at me.

"Mommy, can I come in here and watch tv?" A wide eyed, 4 year old Bennett has snuck out of his room, and has began the bedtime stalling process.

This vision terrifies me. Because it is so real.
It's so real, that often times it catches me off guard.
I become startled because I can see him standing there. All on his own.

He is growing up so quickly. I know he is only 4 months... but for a person who has spent their whole life wishing for time to speed up, all I want is for it to slow down. 

Yesterday I had a list of things I wanted to get done. For some reason I like the house to be spotless all the time, even though we just sit here all day and make a mess of it anyways. I wanted to clean the floors, and do laundry. I wanted to dust, and vacuum, and go through some of Bennett's clothes that he has outgrown.

He didn't want me to do any of that.

After about 30 minutes of trying to make him happy, while simultaneously trying to get some of my "to-dos" done, I decided I would just hold him.

We sat on the couch, turned on some music, and he just laid in my arms and stared at me for about 2 minutes, and then he fell asleep.

As I sat there deciding whether I should jump on my opportunity to put him in his crib so I could do some work, or just hold him a little longer... I decided on the latter of the two.

I watched his little mouth move as if there was a soother still there.
I watched his hands as he held them together on his chest, just like his dad.
I watched his eyes flutter back and forth.
I watched a smile come across his face, as he slipped into a coma, and let out a sigh.

It's nice to live in a tidy spot. To feel accomplished, so that you can enjoy your down time, that is yet to come. But, it's really nice to take time and enjoy what has already been given to you.

For me, it's my son. For you it could be whatever makes your heart content.

Don't let your list of things that you "have to get done" - so you can enjoy the moment - stop you from actually enjoying the moment. 

So what if the floors don't get cleaned when I want them to? They will still be there tomorrow. Not on top of all that laundry? We are still fully clothed.

Today is the only day that Bennett will be 4 months & 6 days old. And in baby terms, that's a big deal. Everyday is big when the world is so new. 

At the end of the day I had the fullness of holding my son, & taking in all that he is. He eventually went down in his crib and had a good rest. And all that stuff I had on my to do list? It eventually got done, too.

Except the laundry. That is one task that I never mind putting off.
And I hope I get the chance to put it off today, too.  

| november joy dare | day eleven

| challenged by the blog A Holy Experience to make the attitude of gratitude a habit! |

3 gifts of remembrance:

1. remembrance day:
"When I think of remembrance day, I think of the soldiers in a special way
I wear a poppy every year, to remember those who lived in fear.
I hate to think that some people died, even though some survived.
So that's what I think of on Remembrance Day, I think of the soldiers in a special way."
- Taigan Walters, Grade 5

2. my mom being here for Bennett's birth, one of the greatest moments of my life. xo

3. wedding bells: this is an engagement pic. love you.

| favourites |

I think it may be a Judge Judy rerun kind of day... 

Source: tumblr.com via Taigan on Pinterest

Had to.

| gratitude |

Thankful list for this week.

- friends that have become like family, priceless.

- my sister in laws: full of wisdom, like blood, and I cherish our ongoing weekly group text message.

- baby tylenol & vapour baths for Bennett's cold

- the diaper genie

- the dental office that I work at

- Jillian Michaels

- neo citran

- the humour section of Pinterest. so. good.

*and just when I was going to slip into a seasonal depression over this:

... I read this:
"Whenever this happens, my heart stops— I’m stunned, I can’t catch my breath. Listen to it! Listen to his thunder, the rolling, rumbling thunder of his voice. He lets loose his lightnings from horizon to horizon, lighting up the earth from pole to pole. In their wake, the thunder echoes his voice, powerful and majestic. He lets out all the stops, he holds nothing back. No one can mistake that voice— His word thundering so wondrously, his mighty acts staggering our understanding. He orders the snow, ‘Blanket the earth!’ and the rain, ‘Soak the whole countryside!’ No one can escape the weather—it’s there. And no one can escape from God. Wild animals take shelter, crawling into their dens, When blizzards roar out of the north and freezing rain crusts the land. It’s God’s breath that forms the ice, it’s God’s breath that turns lakes and rivers solid. And yes, it’s God who fills clouds with rainwater and hurls lightning from them every which way. He puts them through their paces—first this way, then that— commands them to do what he says all over the world. Whether for discipline or grace or extravagant love, he makes sure they make their mark.” Job 37:5-6  (MSG)

...so, I am thankful for the right word, at the right time, I guess ;) 

| november joy dare | day ten

| challenged by the blog A Holy Experience to make the attitude of gratitude a habit! |

day ten: three gifts found in bible reading

1. Zechariah 9:12 - "Come home, hope-filled prisoners! This very day I’m declaring a double bonus-everything you lost returned twice-over!"

This is my absolute favourite verse. It reminds me that even when it seems everything is lost, , or that you have been forgotten by God- His plan is greater. It reminds me that when we think we have had it ALL, and lost it- God is waiting to bless you with more then what you originally had. This has applied to all aspects of my life - the spiritual, mental, material, etc. Elim always stands out when I read this verse, because I feel like God completely changed the life of my family when we moved here, two years ago. I love the leaders and people of this church, and they are being used to change my life every day. 

2. Micah 6:8 - "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God"

I heard this verse for the first time when I was 20. My husband used it in a sermon one night at my home church. I remember feeling like my eyes were opened when he read it. For so long I wondered what being a Christian really meant. How was I suppose to do everything that the bible told me to do? It seemed so complicated. This verse has kept it simple for me. I have not perfected any of this - obviously... but when I get off track, I always go back to it, and remember what is good. 

3. 2 Chronicles 16:9 - For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth to show Himself strong in behalf of those whose hearts are blameless toward Him."

Another verse I didn't hear until I was about 20, I didn't really listen much before then, ha! I remember Pastor Dave Kingston pacing across the platform, quoting this verse in his sermons. Another one of those "a-ha!" verses for me. I have always kept this running in my mind. I have found that as long as I keep myself blameless towards Him - living the best I can, in an act of surrender, He ALWAYS takes care of me. He always shows Himself strong, on my behalf. I always pray that God will find my heart in the crowd, that my heart will stand out, and that I will remain blameless in His sight.

| joy dare | day nine |

{challenged by the blog A Holy Experience to make the attitude of gratitude a habit!} 

day nine: three gifts harvest 

1. saskatchewan living: "You have multiplied the nation; you have increased its joy; they rejoice before you as with joy at the harvest, as they are glad when they divide the spoil." Isaiah 9:3

2. elevate youth: "Look, I tell you, lift up your eyes, and see that the fields are white for harvest." John 4:35

3. food: I'm obsessed. It's that simple.