Mom Gig: New Mom In An Opinionated World

Everyday I am bombarded with countless articles, statuses' and links that circle around the issue of parenting. It's ok... don't leave! i assure this isn't another one of those very things. 

I often wonder what it would be like to be a new parent in the 80's. When formula was all the rage, and car seats were picking up steam. I would have loved it. I Googled "when did car seats become mandatory", and most people born before 1980 only remember sitting on their parent's lap, or coming home in the form of a shoe box.

Breast fed or bottle fed. Crib or co sleeper. The introduction of food. Being a mom returning to the work field. These are just a few of the controversial topics that circulate around my social media on a daily. If it weren't for my family and close friends in other parts of the world, I would do away with Facebook, because I can't cope. Twitter. Instagram. They're really where it's at.

As a person who is probably considered to be mean and old school... I am often highly irritated when it comes to the opinion of others on these very topics. My baby drinks formula, sleeps in his own crib, gets his milestone vaccinations, went to the chiropractor, has been introduced to foods, sometimes I make him cry himself to sleep and occasionally (daily) he is exposed to the t.v. He thinks Judge Judy is his Grannie - I kid.

It's not that I believe that I am right, and you are wrong... it's that although some things may be better, it doesn't mean their alternative is wrong. And well, when you treat me like it is, I get moody. 

Here's the thing. If you have been a parent for 5 seconds you know how hard and glorious it is all in the same breath. Once the initial adrenaline rush of being a new mom wears off, reality sets in, then the weight of your new role sinks in - and sometimes that reality isn't pretty.

So the question is - if you know it's hard, and I know it's hard, why are we so hard on each other? And I am only 6 months in. I can't WAIT to see what it's like when he has a toddler meltdown at church, or encounters school politics.

I would have loved to have breastfed my baby for more then a week (real talk) ... but well, there are these things called complications, and sometimes all doesn't go as planned. If I had a month of support post delivery, and a live in doula, I am sure that I would have conquered my breast feeding woes, but that just didn't happen. After three days of public health insisting I feed Bennett by way of syringe and tube, you could say I was on the verge of a postpartum meltdown. So, if you could cease from giving me a condescending eye when I whip out my kid's bottle full of formula, that would be great. 

We all have a story. We have expectations, and dreams, and sometimes they come crashing down, because reality has this way of setting in.

I am not better than you. You are not better than me. Sometimes it's important to step away from the place of your stubborn stance and look at a situation from another angle. I assure you I am preaching to myself, as well.

What works for you and your family?
Are you and your baby happy?
Do the people that question you really affect your life?
I run through this list of questions over and over again.

I know for me there are some things that I am passionate about, and they may not be the same for you, but that's what makes us all who we are. There are things that I question on a daily, and other things that I know without a doubt. But really, if another person's choices aren't hurting you, does it really do any good to let them know your opinion? Especially if they don't ask? There are a lot of modern practices that I am not keen on. I rarely shed my opinion on them, because I doubt my opinion matters.  

I don't have to live your life, and you don't have to live mine.  Amen to that, amirite?


If you haven't had a baby yet, but are considering it, please know that you will have dreams and ideas about what being a parent is like - and from the moment you tell people you are pregnant, they will crush them. It's what people do, and it's really annoying. Most people mean well, but just remember that dreaming is a part of the process, and when YOUR reality hits, some of those things will be just like you had imagined, and others will not. And it's ok to make decisions based on that alone.  

Your reality. Your life. 

I am not probing for a debate, or a declaration of "I am right and you are wrong". That would defeat the point of my post. I am sick of the right and wrong thing.  

I am just asking that as parents we go easy on each other, because we are all in this together. 

Help, and not judge.
Ask, and not assume.
Walk side by side, and not compete.

Take the tidbits of wisdom that help, and brush off the things that don't.
Find someone that you trust, who will stand beside you and assure you that you are not failing.
Live YOUR life, and do what works for you.

 I was terrified that I would lose any form of bond with Bennett when I switched him to a bottle. Turns out he loves me just the same, and he looks at me a million times a day like I am the coolest person in the world. These are the moments that matter to me.

| mom gig: peripheral visions |

I have this re-occuring vision.

I'm walking up the stairs with a big basket of laundry. I walk down the hallway and into my room, where I dump all of the clothes out on my bed and start folding. As I begin folding, I can see out of my peripheral, a little body standing in my doorway, just staring at me.

"Mommy, can I come in here and watch tv?" A wide eyed, 4 year old Bennett has snuck out of his room, and has began the bedtime stalling process.

This vision terrifies me. Because it is so real.
It's so real, that often times it catches me off guard.
I become startled because I can see him standing there. All on his own.

He is growing up so quickly. I know he is only 4 months... but for a person who has spent their whole life wishing for time to speed up, all I want is for it to slow down. 

Yesterday I had a list of things I wanted to get done. For some reason I like the house to be spotless all the time, even though we just sit here all day and make a mess of it anyways. I wanted to clean the floors, and do laundry. I wanted to dust, and vacuum, and go through some of Bennett's clothes that he has outgrown.

He didn't want me to do any of that.

After about 30 minutes of trying to make him happy, while simultaneously trying to get some of my "to-dos" done, I decided I would just hold him.

We sat on the couch, turned on some music, and he just laid in my arms and stared at me for about 2 minutes, and then he fell asleep.

As I sat there deciding whether I should jump on my opportunity to put him in his crib so I could do some work, or just hold him a little longer... I decided on the latter of the two.

I watched his little mouth move as if there was a soother still there.
I watched his hands as he held them together on his chest, just like his dad.
I watched his eyes flutter back and forth.
I watched a smile come across his face, as he slipped into a coma, and let out a sigh.

It's nice to live in a tidy spot. To feel accomplished, so that you can enjoy your down time, that is yet to come. But, it's really nice to take time and enjoy what has already been given to you.

For me, it's my son. For you it could be whatever makes your heart content.

Don't let your list of things that you "have to get done" - so you can enjoy the moment - stop you from actually enjoying the moment. 

So what if the floors don't get cleaned when I want them to? They will still be there tomorrow. Not on top of all that laundry? We are still fully clothed.

Today is the only day that Bennett will be 4 months & 6 days old. And in baby terms, that's a big deal. Everyday is big when the world is so new. 

At the end of the day I had the fullness of holding my son, & taking in all that he is. He eventually went down in his crib and had a good rest. And all that stuff I had on my to do list? It eventually got done, too.

Except the laundry. That is one task that I never mind putting off.
And I hope I get the chance to put it off today, too.  

| november joy dare | day fourteen

| challenged by the blog A Holy Experience to make the attitude of gratitude a habit! |

three things silent: 
1. alone time: I use to need to have some kind of background noise whenever I was doing... anything. In the last few months i have become addicted to silence. I find whenever I get the chance, I just sit. Sit. Drink coffee. Read, write, or just stare off into space.


2. nap times: These are like gold when it comes to silence. I look forward to Bennett going for a nap so I can clean up, and sit.


3. night: I love the stillness that falls over our neighbourhood at night. The cars stop, people stop, and construction (in the summer) stops. It's peaceful.

| november joy dare | day thirteen

| challenged by the blog A Holy Experience to make the attitude of gratitude a habit! |

three gifts behind a door: 

1. my en suite bathroom - always wanted one, and this is the first time we have had one.

2. my walk in closet - again, never had - always wanted. my inventory seems to grow with the space provided.

3. 'hoarding space' - this came built in with our house. it's kind of like a permanent dresser. it gives me a great spot to put all of my extra stuff! love it.

| november joy dare | day eleven

| challenged by the blog A Holy Experience to make the attitude of gratitude a habit! |

3 gifts of remembrance:

1. remembrance day:
"When I think of remembrance day, I think of the soldiers in a special way
I wear a poppy every year, to remember those who lived in fear.
I hate to think that some people died, even though some survived.
So that's what I think of on Remembrance Day, I think of the soldiers in a special way."
- Taigan Walters, Grade 5

2. my mom being here for Bennett's birth, one of the greatest moments of my life. xo

3. wedding bells: this is an engagement pic. love you.

| gratitude |

Thankful list for this week.

- friends that have become like family, priceless.

- my sister in laws: full of wisdom, like blood, and I cherish our ongoing weekly group text message.

- baby tylenol & vapour baths for Bennett's cold

- the diaper genie

- the dental office that I work at

- Jillian Michaels

- neo citran

- the humour section of Pinterest. so. good.

*and just when I was going to slip into a seasonal depression over this:

... I read this:
"Whenever this happens, my heart stops— I’m stunned, I can’t catch my breath. Listen to it! Listen to his thunder, the rolling, rumbling thunder of his voice. He lets loose his lightnings from horizon to horizon, lighting up the earth from pole to pole. In their wake, the thunder echoes his voice, powerful and majestic. He lets out all the stops, he holds nothing back. No one can mistake that voice— His word thundering so wondrously, his mighty acts staggering our understanding. He orders the snow, ‘Blanket the earth!’ and the rain, ‘Soak the whole countryside!’ No one can escape the weather—it’s there. And no one can escape from God. Wild animals take shelter, crawling into their dens, When blizzards roar out of the north and freezing rain crusts the land. It’s God’s breath that forms the ice, it’s God’s breath that turns lakes and rivers solid. And yes, it’s God who fills clouds with rainwater and hurls lightning from them every which way. He puts them through their paces—first this way, then that— commands them to do what he says all over the world. Whether for discipline or grace or extravagant love, he makes sure they make their mark.” Job 37:5-6  (MSG)

...so, I am thankful for the right word, at the right time, I guess ;) 

| november joy dare | day ten

| challenged by the blog A Holy Experience to make the attitude of gratitude a habit! |

day ten: three gifts found in bible reading

1. Zechariah 9:12 - "Come home, hope-filled prisoners! This very day I’m declaring a double bonus-everything you lost returned twice-over!"

This is my absolute favourite verse. It reminds me that even when it seems everything is lost, , or that you have been forgotten by God- His plan is greater. It reminds me that when we think we have had it ALL, and lost it- God is waiting to bless you with more then what you originally had. This has applied to all aspects of my life - the spiritual, mental, material, etc. Elim always stands out when I read this verse, because I feel like God completely changed the life of my family when we moved here, two years ago. I love the leaders and people of this church, and they are being used to change my life every day. 

2. Micah 6:8 - "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God"

I heard this verse for the first time when I was 20. My husband used it in a sermon one night at my home church. I remember feeling like my eyes were opened when he read it. For so long I wondered what being a Christian really meant. How was I suppose to do everything that the bible told me to do? It seemed so complicated. This verse has kept it simple for me. I have not perfected any of this - obviously... but when I get off track, I always go back to it, and remember what is good. 

3. 2 Chronicles 16:9 - For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth to show Himself strong in behalf of those whose hearts are blameless toward Him."

Another verse I didn't hear until I was about 20, I didn't really listen much before then, ha! I remember Pastor Dave Kingston pacing across the platform, quoting this verse in his sermons. Another one of those "a-ha!" verses for me. I have always kept this running in my mind. I have found that as long as I keep myself blameless towards Him - living the best I can, in an act of surrender, He ALWAYS takes care of me. He always shows Himself strong, on my behalf. I always pray that God will find my heart in the crowd, that my heart will stand out, and that I will remain blameless in His sight.

Daring to Dream.

Have you ever reached a point in your life where you have stopped dreaming big dreams?

From a young age, I was always a dreamer. For most of my childhood I absolutely believed that I was going to be famous. I practiced my costume changes... daily. I had all of the “Mini-Pops” records & tapes, and the microphone and karaoke system to help me get all of the practice that I needed. I knew how to work a camera, a crowd, and I had all of the confidence in the world.

As I got older, I decided that I wanted to be a dental hygienist, and pressed on until it became a reality. I am not sure if it was stubbornness or pride (possibly both), but I was determined to let nothing stand in the way my dream.

Over the last few years, my dreams have become less and less about my destiny, and becoming all that God wants me to be... but more of anticipations for my circumstances to change.

At some point along the way I mistook finding a a new place of ministry, selling my house, getting a job, etc. as dreams, when really I was just looking for a rescue from anxieties.

The wonderful thing about God, is that he sees past all of that, and knows our deepest desires and dreams, even before we do. Although I wanted Matt to find a new place of ministry... God was preparing the right place. Although it took what seemed like forever for me to work as a dental hygienist, God was preparing a place and time where I could enjoy the career that I worked so hard for. Although I get discouraged, and would love for my house to sell RIGHT NOW, I know that God is working out all things for good, and the right time will be His time. These are all circumstances that are real and true to my life, but it is important to not let the rescue from our circumstances, become our only dream.

Over the last few weeks I have been asking myself what my dreams are... what am I hoping for... how will I get there. A year ago I could have given you a list of things that I was dreaming for. Today, I am slow to respond. I know the dreams that I have for my husband, for the students in my youth ministry, and my friends & family... but there is something missing. A dream that is more then just owning a home, being financially secure, having the next big thing, or a wardrobe to die for!

I am asking God to place his dreams for my life, in my heart! That I would know them, and be passionate about seeing them unfold in my life. That He would place dreams in my heart that I would have never otherwise allowed myself to hope for. That He would cause me to be passionate and energized in my giftings and talents. That He would use me to bring glory to His name.

Ephesians 3:20, has never been so real to me, as it has been in these last days:
“Now to Him Who, by the power that is at work within us, is able to do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think--- infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams”

I am daring to ask God to:

1. Place dreams in my heart again, more then just the rescue from my circumstance.
2. Superabundantly go far over and above all of them- and use them for HIS glory.


...stay tuned!


*An infamous rendition of a Tiffany song, I'm sure.