| mom gig: the first four months |

My son is 4 months old today.  

I thought I was ready to write this post when he was two weeks old, but every time I tried, I didn't get very far. Turns out, God had about 14 more weeks of curriculum for me. 

I've said it before, the first 2 months were hard. I questioned what I had done, thought I was going to have a breakdown many times, and had a few temper tantrums along the way. And, I still do. The sad part? I have a really content and "easy" baby.

It was a couple of weeks ago, that something shifted in me. A change. It helps that I started making time for God again (tip #1), but I started to see things differently. I saw the life in front of me, the one that so graciously has been loaned to me, and I saw God through my son.

The Big Guy is teaching me so much through my little man, and I wanted to share what I am learning through my new life as a mama, about my relationship with Him.

He has predestined me
Before Bennett was born, I had so many dreams and plans for what he may become. I imagined what he would look like - bald with a bit of blonde hair, chubby, a face that looked exactly like my husband's - most of these things were completely off. He was a scrawny, furry, dark haired baby that resembled a monkey. I imagined him being funny and smiley, loud and curious - those are all true. I dreamed that he would love to wear hats, not true (dream fail). I began praying for things that were not yet so, as if they were. We chose his name because it means "little blessed one". I began praying that he would be blessed by God, and in turn, be a blessing to others. And let's face it, Bennett Bombay is a pretty great televangelist name. {Dream big.}
God has chosen me. He has called me his own. He pre-destined me to be all that I am, before I ever took my first breath. And He calls those things that are not yet so in my life, as if they already are. The majority of people I have met are just longing to feel loved and valued. There is no greater sense of belonging then knowing God is watching over you, and has predestined you for your own personal journey.

He wants me to be happy.
I love watching Bennett jump and squeal in his jolly jumper.  I love to hear him laughing and chatting away in his crib, and I love the huge smile that comes across his face, when I walk into a room. I become overwhelmed to know that the life God has trusted with me, is so content and full.
God doesn't keep me under his thumb. He gave me life, and He desires that I enjoy it... to the fullest. He longs to see me functioning out of a heart of joy, and taking in all that He has put before me. I have learned that it starts with a thankful heart. The more thankful I become, the happier I get and the less fault I find with the life that I have been given.  That's all I really have to say about that.

He knows what I need
Often times I know what Bennett is going to need before he even has to "ask". Due to the routine we have tried to implement, it is easy for me to anticipate "the next step", and act accordingly. But, let's be honest, some days he pulls a fast one on me.
God watches over me and He knows what I need. He knows my hurt, desires and worries. He knows each step that is required for my journey. He is always there, moving me along in His will, answering my need before I even know that I have it. Sometimes the answers that He gives me are not always what I want, but they are always necessary in order to take the next step.

His love is unconditional
Some days I can't WAIT for Bennett to take a nap. He gets on my nerves, exhausts me, and I can become so frustrated with this whole mom gig, that I can't wait for a few hours of down time. All that being said, there are times that I pace the house, waiting for him to wake up so I can hold him again. My love is unconditional. It doesn't matter how many lows there are in a day, how many times he scratches me in the face, or head butts me, or wails from his crib, the love outshines the lows. Have I mentioned that he is becoming a bit "strong willed"? Payback.
God's mercy is all over those who are His. He doesn't pick and choose the days when He is going to love us. He isn't checking off a list requirements in order for us to earn His love. Let's face it, we all have our temper tantrums with God. We are messed up, imperfect beings, and regardless of what many would believe, God is not a bully. He isn't looking for a reason to write you off. He wrote off all of my wrongs long ago, and He loves me unconditionally. Even when I throw a fit.

He delights in watching me grow
Finding his hands, chewing on his feet, rolling around, jolly jumping, finding his voice, splashing in the tub… the list goes on and on. Everyday I am amazed with the progress in Bennett's life. I love seeing his eyes scanning a new surrounding, and the curiosity on his face, as he takes it all in. He's pretty fantastic, and I now understand why parents tend to brag about their children.
He loves to see us grow where we are planted. I am certain that when we have those "ah-ha" moments, God is pleased to watch His children grow. He rejoices over me with gladness. He busts out his phone and makes everyone look at his pics of me... (we all know those people) I haven't gone there, yet.

His dreams for me are BIG
Some of the people closest to us know that one of my biggest dreams for Bennett is that he becomes an Evangelist. I pray that he has a heart for people. I don't know where that came from, so I choose to believe that it is a God given dream. I pray that he will be bold and courageous in his faith. Matt and I always joke that he is going to have a "cheese-string ministry" in elementary school, where he hands out all of the food I send him (in combination with a side-hug), to the kids who are upset, or in need of a snack. Beginner dreams - but, that's besides the point…It's a long story on how that one came about.
God has a plan. It is specifically planned for my life, and He longs to be good to me. He sees a dream for me before I can even conceive it. He speaks it over my life, before it will ever come to be. I don't always know how I am going to get there, but I  know that He does, and He carries me into His plan.

I am learning... that I am never done learning.

The things that I think I know so clearly, are still blurry.

Little by little, He shows me another facet of His overwhelming love, through the life of a child.

And through it all, I am changed for the better.


  1. Proud of you Taigan! Thanks for sharing. Bennett is a lucky boy to have you and Matty as his folks.

  2. Love your honesty Taigan. You are an awesome mom in every way. Bennett is God's gift and responsibility to you , but you are also a gift to Bennett. Life will not always be peachy (believe me, I know!) but allowing God to work in the amazing times as well as the grind-it-out times is worth every minute. Keep plugging away and enjoy every season of your family's life.

  3. It's been a blessing to find you at Ann's & read here. Love what God is teaching you through raising your precious Bennett. Love & prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia