Dream Dare #1
Speak at Elevate.
I am terrified of public speaking. Socially, I am not too awkward (ok, maybe I am a little). I have a hard time forming sentences, completing stories, and conveying my heart in verbal form. If I see a raised brow, indication of disinterest, or yawning, I am sure to bring my story to a raging halt.
When I was in grade 12 I remember having to prepare a book report, and then speak on it for 5 minutes in front of my whole class. Less then a minute into it, I was covered in blotchy red marks all over my neck, I was profusely sweating, and I talked so fast that I am sure nobody understood a word I was saying. It was terrifying for me.
Today, I am sure that the same scenario wouldn’t throw me into quite a tailspin. But, in place of high school book reports, I have added a list of other things to cover me in welts.
I didn’t go to bible college, I am quite proud of saying that I didn’t meet my husband at bible college, and I don’t know if I would ever want to attend. However, I have experiences and a message in my heart that I would love to share. I don’t know anything about theology, but I do know what God has taught me personally, and it qualifies me. For the longest time the saying “there is a reason why I didn’t go to bible college...” was a constant phrase on my lips. In the last few years I have really tried to stop using that as an excuse, and asked God to give me a heart for ministry. It is no secret that I struggled with my husband being a pastor for a long time, even though I knew what I was “getting my self into” when I married him.
God has taken me from worrying and caring about all of the politics and distractions, and shown me that my purpose and call is to love. In hindsight I look back and wish that I could change all the times when I let the poor choices of others, effect me, and in turn punish the ones that were looking to me as their example. I look back and realize that a lot of the times, I made youth ministry more about myself, and how I was feeling- instead of God, and the students.
In the last year my heart has changed from seeing my husband as the one that was called into ministry, and being the one that needed to love his youth... to wanting to be a part of that ministry, and loving them all on my own. I find myself wishing I could impart everything I have learned to them, and longing to see them being changed through real moments with God.
I long to see each student on fire for God, and reaching out to their friends- not so that a church can find it’s happiness in numbers, but so that lives are changed, for good.
I long to see them become Christians that base their life on a relationship with God, and not just a religion passed down from a previous generation.
I long to see them live a life of love, that silences the stereotype of religious hypocrisy.
So I take all of this:
*a changed heart
*a call... and I am turning it into a dream. Believing that God will take the desire, and help me to articulate it for His purposes. To go above and beyond my own hopes, and do what I cannot. To take the desire of my heart, and impart it in ways that I could never do on my own- remembering that:
"He is able to do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think--- infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams”