In 2003, my boyfriend’s family and I packed up their GMC van, and headed to Toronto, with the hopes of me becoming your first Canadian Idol. We came prepared to spend the night in a parking lot, with a cooler packed, and nothing but high hopes of me making it to the finals.
The crazy part wasn’t the fact that I decided to try out for the competition, or that I was willing to do whatever it took to get myself in the audition line… it was the confidence that I had, and the expectation that I would be successful, regardless of how many people showed up with the same dream as me. I remember telling my boss at the time that they would probably have to be prepared to work around my schedule as I got closer to the finals. Wow!
Looking back, it wasn’t an arrogant or conceited approach, but rather, a confidence that basically said “Why not?” Why couldn’t I be the first Canadian Idol? Why wouldn’t I be successful?
Over the years I have encountered moments of failure, and had times where I have doubted what I am capable of. As the years pass by it has become easy to doubt, and lose the confidence that I can see in that younger version of myself.
Lately I have been challenging myself to look at life through the confidence that I once had. I have been challenging myself to say “why not?” more often, and take on an attitude that I am capable of doing a lot more then I give myself credit for. The reality is that when I was 17 I had all the confidence in the world, and the God factor wasn’t even on my radar- so how much more am I capable of when I have Him, plus a healthy confidence?
Hebrews 10:35 says “Do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward.” (ESV)
It isn't the easiest thing to do, but I am choosing to be confident, even in the moments when I don’t necessarily feel like it. I am choosing to not let my confidence get away from me, just because I have messed up, or not always been successful. I am choosing to say “why not?’ and take a step of faith when I feel unworthy.
And most importantly, as the years go by, I am asking God, “Why didn't I make it to the finals? And, what did Ryan Malcom have, that I didn’t?” :)