Ah-Ha!

I had an epiphany last week.

Get ready for it...

It's ground breaking...

Revolutionary...

Out of the box...

Crazy!

Life will never be perfect.

I know. I was shocked too.

Have you ever had an "ah-ha!" moment? Many times in my life I thought that I have experienced one, but last week I realized that all of my previous moments of "ah-ha!" were nothing compared to what I experienced this time around.

At my job, one of my tasks is spending hours in a low-lit file room, with one iPod earbud in, hundreds of documents, and an afternoon to file away! Well, it was during one of these moments that I realized life will never be perfect. Most of the time I find myself dreaming, thinking, and planning away while I file, getting lost in my own world. On this day as all of my thoughts came crashing together, I began to overheat, and I realized...

LIFE WILL NEVER BE PERFECT! "Wow... That is awesome!", I said to myself.

I have heard this said many times before, but I have found that to know it is something completely different. This may sound crazy, but I was so excited about my revelation I had to run over to my good friend, Dorothy, and share my new found outlook on life with her... "Dorothy!" I approached her with a blank stare, excitement in the eyes, and a redness in the face, "I have had an epiphany!" I tipped toed over to her cubical, rested myself on her desk and said with all seriousness: "LIFE WILL NEVER BE PERFECT!" She stared at me with a look of concern on her face, and said "True! Did you just figure this out now???" It was a moment I will never forget, in fact, I am laughing out loud as I type this...

What I am trying to tell you is that for years I have been waiting for the stars to align, and for God to work everything out so that I can enjoy a perfect life. I have been waiting for a day when I have no problems, or concerns, and find comfort... everyday. The truth is that if everyday were perfect, then we wouldn't need God... and then really, what are we here for? We may as well just skip this whole life on earth thing, and move on to the good stuff, right?

With revelation, I have found a joy in the midst of imperfect circumstances. I have found great peace in one of the most uncertain moments in my life... uncertainty in our finances, job, ministry, possessions, etc. and through this I have discovered the difference between happiness and joy.

Matt has been telling me for a while that I need to stop being mad at God, and that MAYBE He has been waiting for me to let go of my controlling ways, and stop trying to do "life" on my own. After my "ah-ha!" moment, I can say that.... he is right. Every so often it happens. (Picture the Scotia-Bank guy... that is Matt, right now.) For the first time, in a very long time, I am not worried or anxious about anything. I have even allowed myself to acknowledge my dreams, which is a big deal! For as long as I can remember, I have been too worried about living a safe/boring life, that I would never dare to ask God to fulfill my dreams... because after all, it may require an uncomfortable journey, some faith, and letting go of my control-freak ways!

I have decided that I am not going to spend the rest of my life trying to make things happen my own way... I can't. It's way too stressful. There is no point in planning for tomorrow, if you can't even enjoy today. My bff, Joyce Meyer, always says that "you have to enjoy where you are at, on the way to where you are going"-- and if we don't, we may never get where we are intending to go...

When I review my last five years, I would sum up my journey as a crash course on life, as well as ministry. I know that I am not that old, and many would just laugh at the previous comment, and think "Really? What have YOU gone through?" but our moments of revelation are relative to our own situations, and our individual experience. Even if we dare to think that our lives would be better if we traded spots with someone else, then we are only deceiving ourselves.

I thank God for His teaching, and revelation. I know that He is changing me for the better, and He is working out my circumstances everyday, little by little, from glory to glory.