Feast.

I haven’t been writing a lot lately. This is mainly because I have decided to isolate myself from people, God, and any other form of human contact, (other then my job and television) for the last few weeks… I’m just sayin’!

Do you ever feel wrong/off/angry/upset, and yet, can’t pin point one single source? That is how I have felt lately. Whether I want to admit it or not (ok, I am admitting it now) I have been angry with God for some time. I have decided to show it by ignoring Him, and choosing to bury myself in other things to take my mind off of “life”.

The reality is that I have no reason to be mad at Him. Frankly, I have just made one more trip around a mountain, which I should have moved on from long ago.

In times of testing, and mainly moments when He has asked me to let go of my control freak ways, I desperately struggle. Often times I metaphorically shake my fist at Him, saying things like “If you really care, and if you really love me, fix this…bless me…change my circumstance…make something good happen…fulfill the desires of my heart…etc.” All the while God has been saying “trust me…love me (regardless of what I do for you)…life is not easy, so shape up!…learn from your experiences…be thankful for what I have given you.”

I don’t know about you, but for me it is always easier to whine and complain to God, then it is to be thankful, full of faith, and at peace with His plan. I always cry out to Him asking Him to change me, to really know Him and the plan that He has… and then I get mad when He walks me through valleys that are really answers to prayer.

Proverbs 15:15 says “Every day is a terrible day for a miserable person, but a cheerful heart has a continual feast.”

Everyday there are things that get in the way, disrupt our plans, and leave us wondering if God really cares about us. That’s just the way it is. This is life, full of humans walking around, thinking they have it all together, and the majority of them are trying to do it all in their own strength… eventually something is going to blow! Something is bound to happen that is going to upset us… especially when we are looking…waiting…and expecting it to happen.

If we choose to look for the things that are wrong on a daily basis, then everyday is going to be a terrible one. When we decide to live with the big picture in mind, with joy in our hearts, and life devoted to God..then it is a continual feast. It will be good, regardless of your circumstance.

God forgive me for disregarding you, and believing that you have left me hanging. Thank you for still standing beside me when I feel alone. Thank you for loving me enough to teach me, change me, and prepare me for something more… even when it hurts. Thank you for being a constant, in a world with no guarantees.