| high five for friday |

 1. We got home from a great vacation in Ontario visiting family & friends --- but it was so good to get home and back into the swing of things! Bennett was happy to be back in his jolly jumper.

2. I made this poster after I was inspired by one I saw on Pinterest. Now I just need to find a frame for it!

3. Bennett started sleeping on his stomach. He sleeps through the night, which isn't new, but his naps have been getting longer - which I like!

4. Someone is moving up in the world! Traveling around town has been much nicer this week now that I don't have a crying baby the whole time! :D 

5. Annnd... this week I spent sometime reflecting on our first Christmas as a family. It was great!

| november joy dare | day twenty

three gifts of tradition:

I wish I could say that we have a lot of traditions around here... but we don't. I think now that we have Bennett, there will be more of an effort to carry out family traditions, but it is honestly so hard for me to think of 3 right now... I tend to be a very traditional person. I don't like change.

1. turkey dinners: If I am not involved of some sort of holiday turkey meal, I am devestated and depressed.

2. stockings: I LOVE stockings at Christmas. I get so giddy for them.

3. snow: I could do without the cold weather and poor driving conditions, but I love snow at Christmas. There were times in Ontario where you could see green grass on Christmas morning, and it's upsetting.

I don't have any pics for these things right now... and I have had a hectic morning.

| pinspirations. |

I've been thinking. Pinterest. A phenomenon where I spend hours "pinning" things I want to do, wish I owned, and plan on learning how to make... and I never do it.

I have spent the last year pinning outfits that looks exactly like the ones in my closet, food that I have all the ingredients for, and never try and countless home "DIY"s that I have never completed.

So, I have been pinspired to challenge myself.

First challenge: 30 outfits in 30 days, with clothes I already own. What's the point in more clothes, when I don't even wear the ones I have? And let's be honest, I can't afford to always be buying clothes, just because I want them.

Second challenge: One Pinterest recipe a week.

Third challenge: One Pinterest DIY project a week.

With age I am learning that I can't sit around and watch other people doing the things that I wish I was doing. Wishing never gets us anywhere, it's the doing that makes it happen (obviously). For me, it's about blogging, clothes, and some DIY stuff. For you, it could be... scrap-booking, I don't know! The point is... DO IT.

I think that Pinterest is such an amazing invention. I love browsing it and having my eyes opened to new things, so I really want to utilize it for what it has to offer.

Join with me in my journey! I am sure it will be... pinteresting, a cha cha cha ;) 

| mom gig: peripheral visions |

I have this re-occuring vision.

I'm walking up the stairs with a big basket of laundry. I walk down the hallway and into my room, where I dump all of the clothes out on my bed and start folding. As I begin folding, I can see out of my peripheral, a little body standing in my doorway, just staring at me.

"Mommy, can I come in here and watch tv?" A wide eyed, 4 year old Bennett has snuck out of his room, and has began the bedtime stalling process.

This vision terrifies me. Because it is so real.
It's so real, that often times it catches me off guard.
I become startled because I can see him standing there. All on his own.

He is growing up so quickly. I know he is only 4 months... but for a person who has spent their whole life wishing for time to speed up, all I want is for it to slow down. 

Yesterday I had a list of things I wanted to get done. For some reason I like the house to be spotless all the time, even though we just sit here all day and make a mess of it anyways. I wanted to clean the floors, and do laundry. I wanted to dust, and vacuum, and go through some of Bennett's clothes that he has outgrown.

He didn't want me to do any of that.

After about 30 minutes of trying to make him happy, while simultaneously trying to get some of my "to-dos" done, I decided I would just hold him.

We sat on the couch, turned on some music, and he just laid in my arms and stared at me for about 2 minutes, and then he fell asleep.

As I sat there deciding whether I should jump on my opportunity to put him in his crib so I could do some work, or just hold him a little longer... I decided on the latter of the two.

I watched his little mouth move as if there was a soother still there.
I watched his hands as he held them together on his chest, just like his dad.
I watched his eyes flutter back and forth.
I watched a smile come across his face, as he slipped into a coma, and let out a sigh.

It's nice to live in a tidy spot. To feel accomplished, so that you can enjoy your down time, that is yet to come. But, it's really nice to take time and enjoy what has already been given to you.

For me, it's my son. For you it could be whatever makes your heart content.

Don't let your list of things that you "have to get done" - so you can enjoy the moment - stop you from actually enjoying the moment. 

So what if the floors don't get cleaned when I want them to? They will still be there tomorrow. Not on top of all that laundry? We are still fully clothed.

Today is the only day that Bennett will be 4 months & 6 days old. And in baby terms, that's a big deal. Everyday is big when the world is so new. 

At the end of the day I had the fullness of holding my son, & taking in all that he is. He eventually went down in his crib and had a good rest. And all that stuff I had on my to do list? It eventually got done, too.

Except the laundry. That is one task that I never mind putting off.
And I hope I get the chance to put it off today, too.  

| november joy dare | day thirteen

| challenged by the blog A Holy Experience to make the attitude of gratitude a habit! |

three gifts behind a door: 

1. my en suite bathroom - always wanted one, and this is the first time we have had one.

2. my walk in closet - again, never had - always wanted. my inventory seems to grow with the space provided.

3. 'hoarding space' - this came built in with our house. it's kind of like a permanent dresser. it gives me a great spot to put all of my extra stuff! love it.

| november joy dare | day twelve

| challenged by the blog A Holy Experience to make the attitude of gratitude a habit! |

3 gifts at noon:

today we ventured over to our friends house, for a great day of hanging out! we are so thankful for this family, and love how much they love our little man! there is a lot of love, ha!

1. driving to the Johnson's, the anticipation was killing him! ;)

2. we had lots of snacks and hot tub time!

3. they established a "number" system on the order in which they got to hold Bennett! I think Morgan was number 2/5... ha!

| mom gig: the first four months |

My son is 4 months old today.  

I thought I was ready to write this post when he was two weeks old, but every time I tried, I didn't get very far. Turns out, God had about 14 more weeks of curriculum for me. 

I've said it before, the first 2 months were hard. I questioned what I had done, thought I was going to have a breakdown many times, and had a few temper tantrums along the way. And, I still do. The sad part? I have a really content and "easy" baby.

It was a couple of weeks ago, that something shifted in me. A change. It helps that I started making time for God again (tip #1), but I started to see things differently. I saw the life in front of me, the one that so graciously has been loaned to me, and I saw God through my son.

The Big Guy is teaching me so much through my little man, and I wanted to share what I am learning through my new life as a mama, about my relationship with Him.

He has predestined me
Before Bennett was born, I had so many dreams and plans for what he may become. I imagined what he would look like - bald with a bit of blonde hair, chubby, a face that looked exactly like my husband's - most of these things were completely off. He was a scrawny, furry, dark haired baby that resembled a monkey. I imagined him being funny and smiley, loud and curious - those are all true. I dreamed that he would love to wear hats, not true (dream fail). I began praying for things that were not yet so, as if they were. We chose his name because it means "little blessed one". I began praying that he would be blessed by God, and in turn, be a blessing to others. And let's face it, Bennett Bombay is a pretty great televangelist name. {Dream big.}
God has chosen me. He has called me his own. He pre-destined me to be all that I am, before I ever took my first breath. And He calls those things that are not yet so in my life, as if they already are. The majority of people I have met are just longing to feel loved and valued. There is no greater sense of belonging then knowing God is watching over you, and has predestined you for your own personal journey.

He wants me to be happy.
I love watching Bennett jump and squeal in his jolly jumper.  I love to hear him laughing and chatting away in his crib, and I love the huge smile that comes across his face, when I walk into a room. I become overwhelmed to know that the life God has trusted with me, is so content and full.
God doesn't keep me under his thumb. He gave me life, and He desires that I enjoy it... to the fullest. He longs to see me functioning out of a heart of joy, and taking in all that He has put before me. I have learned that it starts with a thankful heart. The more thankful I become, the happier I get and the less fault I find with the life that I have been given.  That's all I really have to say about that.

He knows what I need
Often times I know what Bennett is going to need before he even has to "ask". Due to the routine we have tried to implement, it is easy for me to anticipate "the next step", and act accordingly. But, let's be honest, some days he pulls a fast one on me.
God watches over me and He knows what I need. He knows my hurt, desires and worries. He knows each step that is required for my journey. He is always there, moving me along in His will, answering my need before I even know that I have it. Sometimes the answers that He gives me are not always what I want, but they are always necessary in order to take the next step.

His love is unconditional
Some days I can't WAIT for Bennett to take a nap. He gets on my nerves, exhausts me, and I can become so frustrated with this whole mom gig, that I can't wait for a few hours of down time. All that being said, there are times that I pace the house, waiting for him to wake up so I can hold him again. My love is unconditional. It doesn't matter how many lows there are in a day, how many times he scratches me in the face, or head butts me, or wails from his crib, the love outshines the lows. Have I mentioned that he is becoming a bit "strong willed"? Payback.
God's mercy is all over those who are His. He doesn't pick and choose the days when He is going to love us. He isn't checking off a list requirements in order for us to earn His love. Let's face it, we all have our temper tantrums with God. We are messed up, imperfect beings, and regardless of what many would believe, God is not a bully. He isn't looking for a reason to write you off. He wrote off all of my wrongs long ago, and He loves me unconditionally. Even when I throw a fit.

He delights in watching me grow
Finding his hands, chewing on his feet, rolling around, jolly jumping, finding his voice, splashing in the tub… the list goes on and on. Everyday I am amazed with the progress in Bennett's life. I love seeing his eyes scanning a new surrounding, and the curiosity on his face, as he takes it all in. He's pretty fantastic, and I now understand why parents tend to brag about their children.
He loves to see us grow where we are planted. I am certain that when we have those "ah-ha" moments, God is pleased to watch His children grow. He rejoices over me with gladness. He busts out his phone and makes everyone look at his pics of me... (we all know those people) I haven't gone there, yet.

His dreams for me are BIG
Some of the people closest to us know that one of my biggest dreams for Bennett is that he becomes an Evangelist. I pray that he has a heart for people. I don't know where that came from, so I choose to believe that it is a God given dream. I pray that he will be bold and courageous in his faith. Matt and I always joke that he is going to have a "cheese-string ministry" in elementary school, where he hands out all of the food I send him (in combination with a side-hug), to the kids who are upset, or in need of a snack. Beginner dreams - but, that's besides the point…It's a long story on how that one came about.
God has a plan. It is specifically planned for my life, and He longs to be good to me. He sees a dream for me before I can even conceive it. He speaks it over my life, before it will ever come to be. I don't always know how I am going to get there, but I  know that He does, and He carries me into His plan.

I am learning... that I am never done learning.

The things that I think I know so clearly, are still blurry.

Little by little, He shows me another facet of His overwhelming love, through the life of a child.

And through it all, I am changed for the better.

| november joy dare | day eight

{challenged by the blog A Holy Experience to make the attitude of gratitude a habit!} 

day eight: one gift sweet, salty, sipped

1. macaroons: I bought these for a leaders meeting last night, and I was pretty happy to see there were some left over for me! Breakfast! 

2. popcorn: I go in spurts, but I am in a popcorn funk right now... can't get enough of it! 

3. sipped: coffee.  that's really all there is to it. 

  

Dream Dare #1

Speak at Elevate.

I am terrified of public speaking. Socially, I am not too awkward (ok, maybe I am a little). I have a hard time forming sentences, completing stories, and conveying my heart in verbal form. If I see a raised brow, indication of disinterest, or yawning, I am sure to bring my story to a raging halt.

When I was in grade 12 I remember having to prepare a book report, and then speak on it for 5 minutes in front of my whole class. Less then a minute into it, I was covered in blotchy red marks all over my neck, I was profusely sweating, and I talked so fast that I am sure nobody understood a word I was saying. It was terrifying for me.

Today, I am sure that the same scenario wouldn’t throw me into quite a tailspin. But, in place of high school book reports, I have added a list of other things to cover me in welts.

I didn’t go to bible college, I am quite proud of saying that I didn’t meet my husband at bible college, and I don’t know if I would ever want to attend. However, I have experiences and a message in my heart that I would love to share. I don’t know anything about theology, but I do know what God has taught me personally, and it qualifies me. For the longest time the saying “there is a reason why I didn’t go to bible college...” was a constant phrase on my lips. In the last few years I have really tried to stop using that as an excuse, and asked God to give me a heart for ministry. It is no secret that I struggled with my husband being a pastor for a long time, even though I knew what I was “getting my self into” when I married him.

God has taken me from worrying and caring about all of the politics and distractions, and shown me that my purpose and call is to love. In hindsight I look back and wish that I could change all the times when I let the poor choices of others, effect me, and in turn punish the ones that were looking to me as their example. I look back and realize that a lot of the times, I made youth ministry more about myself, and how I was feeling- instead of God, and the students.

In the last year my heart has changed from seeing my husband as the one that was called into ministry, and being the one that needed to love his youth... to wanting to be a part of that ministry, and loving them all on my own. I find myself wishing I could impart everything I have learned to them, and longing to see them being changed through real moments with God.

I long to see each student on fire for God, and reaching out to their friends- not so that a church can find it’s happiness in numbers, but so that lives are changed, for good.

I long to see them become Christians that base their life on a relationship with God, and not just a religion passed down from a previous generation.

I long to see them live a life of love, that silences the stereotype of religious hypocrisy.

So I take all of this:
*a changed heart
*a passion
*a call... and I am turning it into a dream. Believing that God will take the desire, and help me to articulate it for His purposes. To go above and beyond my own hopes, and do what I cannot. To take the desire of my heart, and impart it in ways that I could never do on my own- remembering that:

"He is able to do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think--- infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams”

Daring to Dream.

Have you ever reached a point in your life where you have stopped dreaming big dreams?

From a young age, I was always a dreamer. For most of my childhood I absolutely believed that I was going to be famous. I practiced my costume changes... daily. I had all of the “Mini-Pops” records & tapes, and the microphone and karaoke system to help me get all of the practice that I needed. I knew how to work a camera, a crowd, and I had all of the confidence in the world.

As I got older, I decided that I wanted to be a dental hygienist, and pressed on until it became a reality. I am not sure if it was stubbornness or pride (possibly both), but I was determined to let nothing stand in the way my dream.

Over the last few years, my dreams have become less and less about my destiny, and becoming all that God wants me to be... but more of anticipations for my circumstances to change.

At some point along the way I mistook finding a a new place of ministry, selling my house, getting a job, etc. as dreams, when really I was just looking for a rescue from anxieties.

The wonderful thing about God, is that he sees past all of that, and knows our deepest desires and dreams, even before we do. Although I wanted Matt to find a new place of ministry... God was preparing the right place. Although it took what seemed like forever for me to work as a dental hygienist, God was preparing a place and time where I could enjoy the career that I worked so hard for. Although I get discouraged, and would love for my house to sell RIGHT NOW, I know that God is working out all things for good, and the right time will be His time. These are all circumstances that are real and true to my life, but it is important to not let the rescue from our circumstances, become our only dream.

Over the last few weeks I have been asking myself what my dreams are... what am I hoping for... how will I get there. A year ago I could have given you a list of things that I was dreaming for. Today, I am slow to respond. I know the dreams that I have for my husband, for the students in my youth ministry, and my friends & family... but there is something missing. A dream that is more then just owning a home, being financially secure, having the next big thing, or a wardrobe to die for!

I am asking God to place his dreams for my life, in my heart! That I would know them, and be passionate about seeing them unfold in my life. That He would place dreams in my heart that I would have never otherwise allowed myself to hope for. That He would cause me to be passionate and energized in my giftings and talents. That He would use me to bring glory to His name.

Ephesians 3:20, has never been so real to me, as it has been in these last days:
“Now to Him Who, by the power that is at work within us, is able to do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think--- infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams”

I am daring to ask God to:

1. Place dreams in my heart again, more then just the rescue from my circumstance.
2. Superabundantly go far over and above all of them- and use them for HIS glory.


...stay tuned!


*An infamous rendition of a Tiffany song, I'm sure.